All the next day I was very sad, and began my long letter. He saw me
writing, and said (as I mentioned) to Mrs. Jervis, That girl is always
scribbling; methinks she might find something else to do, or to that
purpose. And when I had finished my letter, I put it under the toilet in
my late lady's dressing-room, whither nobody comes but myself and Mrs.
Jervis, besides my master; but when I came up again to seal it, to my
great concern, it was gone; and Mrs. Jervis knew nothing of it; and
nobody knew of my master's having been near the place in the time; so I
have been sadly troubled about it: But Mrs. Jervis, as well as I, thinks
he has it, some how or other; and he appears cross and angry, and seems
to shun me, as much as he said I did him. It had better be so than
worse! But he has ordered Mrs. Jervis to bid me not pass so much time in
writing; which is a poor matter for such a gentleman as he to take
notice of, as I am not idle other ways, if he did not resent what he
thought I wrote upon. And this has no very good look.
But I am a good deal easier since I lie with Mrs. Jervis; though, after
all, the fears I live in on one side, and his frowning and displeasure
at what I do on the other, make me more miserable than enough.
O that I had never left my little bed in the loft, to be thus exposed
to temptations on one hand, or disgusts on the other! How happy was I
awhile ago! How contrary now!--Pity and pray for
Your afflicted
PAMELA.
LETTER XIII
My DEAREST CHILD,
Our hearts bleed for your distress, and the temptations you are exposed
to. You have our hourly prayers; and we would have you flee this evil
great house and man, if you find he renews his attempts. You ought to
have done it at first, had you not had Mrs. Jervis to advise with. We
can find no fault in your conduct hitherto: But it makes our hearts ache
for fear of the worst. O my child! temptations are sore things,--but
yet, without them, we know not ourselves, nor what we are able to do.
Your danger is very great; for you have riches, youth, and a fine
gentleman, as the world reckons him, to withstand; but how great will be
your honour to withstand them! And when we consider your past conduct,
and your virtuous education, and that you have been bred to be more
ashamed of dishonesty than poverty, we trust in God, that He will enable
you to overcome. Yet, as we can't see but your life must be a burthen to
you, through the great apprehensions always upon you; and that it may be
presumptuous to trust too much to our own strength; and that you are
but very young; and the devil may put it into his heart to use some
stratagem, of which great men are full, to decoy you: I think you had
better come home to share our poverty with safety, than live with so
much discontent in a plenty, that itself may be dangerous. God direct
you for the best! While you have Mrs. Jervis for an adviser and
bed-fellow, (and, O my dear child! that was prudently done of you,)
we are easier than we should be; and so committing you to the divine
protection, remain Your truly loving, but careful,
FATHER and MOTHER.