LETTER XXXI
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER, I will continue my writing still, because, may be, I shall like to
read it, when I am with you, to see what dangers I have been enabled to
escape; and though I bring it along with me. I told you my resolution, my happy resolution as I have reason to think
it: and just then he came in again, with great kindness in his looks,
and said, I make no doubt, Pamela, you will stay this fortnight to
oblige me. I knew not how to frame my words so as to deny, and yet not
make him storm. But, said I, Forgive, sir, your poor distressed servant.
I know I cannot possibly deserve any favour at your hands, consistent
with virtue; and I beg you will let me go to my poor father. Why, said
he, thou art the veriest fool that I ever knew. I tell you I will
see your father; I'll send for him hither to-morrow, in my travelling
chariot, if you will; and I'll let him know what I intend to do for
him and you. What, sir, may I ask you, can that be? Your honour's noble
estate may easily make him happy, and not unuseful, perhaps to you, in
some respect or other. But what price am I to pay for all this?--Yon
shall be happy as you can wish, said he, I do assure you: And here I
will now give you this purse, in which are fifty guineas, which I will
allow your father yearly, and find an employ suitable to his liking, to
deserve that and more: Pamela, he shall never want, depend upon it.
I would have given you still more for him, but that, perhaps, you'd
suspect I intended it as a design upon you.--O sir, said I, take back
your guineas! I will not touch one, nor will my father, I am sure, till
he knows what is to be done for them; and particularly what is to become
of me. Why then, Pamela, said he, suppose I find a man of probity,
and genteel calling, for a husband for you, that shall make you a
gentlewoman as long as you live?--I want no husband, sir, said I: for
now I began to see him in all his black colours!--Yet being so much in
his power, I thought I would a little dissemble. But, said he, you
are so pretty, that go where you will, you can never be free from the
designs of some or other of our sex; and I shall think I don't answer
the care of my dying mother for you, who committed you to me, if I don't
provide you a husband to protect your virtue, and your innocence; and a
worthy one I have thought of for you. O black, perfidious creature! thought I, what an implement art thou
in the hands of Lucifer, to ruin the innocent heart!--Yet still I
dissembled: for I feared much both him and the place I was in. But,
whom, pray sir, have you thought of?--Why, said he, young Mr. Williams,
my chaplain, in Lincolnshire, who will make you happy. Does he know,
sir, said I, any thing of your honour's intentions?--No, my girl, said
he, and kissed me, (much against my will; for his very breath was now
poison to me,) but his dependance upon my favour, and your beauty and
merit, will make him rejoice at my kindness to him. Well, sir, said I,
then it is time enough to consider of this matter; and it cannot hinder
me from going to my father's: for what will staying a fortnight longer
signify to this? Your honour's care and goodness may extend to me there,
as well as here; and Mr. Williams, and all the world, shall know that I
am not ashamed of my father's poverty. He would kiss me again, and I said, If I am to think of Mr. Williams, or
any body, I beg you'll not be so free with me: that is not pretty, I'm
sure. Well, said he, but you stay this next fortnight, and in that time
I'll have both Williams and your father here; for I will have the match
concluded in my house; and when I have brought it on, you shall settle
it as you please together. Meantime take and send only these fifty
pieces to your father, as an earnest of my favour, and I'll make you
all happy.--Sir, said I, I beg at least two hours to consider of this.
I shall, said he, be gone out in one hour; and I would have you write to
your father what I propose; and John shall carry it on purpose: and he
shall take the purse with him for the good old man, if you approve it.
Sir, said I, I will then let you know in one hour my resolution. Do so,
said he; and gave me another kiss, and let nee go. O how I rejoiced I had got out of his clutches!--So I write you this,
that you may see how matters stand; for I am resolved to come away, if
possible. Base, wicked, treacherous gentleman as he is! So here was a trap laid for your poor Pamela! I tremble to think of
it! O what a scene of wickedness was here laid down for all my wretched
life! Black-hearted wretch! how I hate him!--For, at first, as you'll
see by what I have written, he would have made me believe other things;
and this of Mr. Williams, I suppose, came into his head after he walked
out from his closet, to give himself time to think how to delude me
better: but the covering was now too thin, and easy to be seen through. I went to my chamber, and the first thing I did was to write to him; for
I thought it was best not to see him again, if I could help it; and I
put it under his parlour door, after I had copied it, as follows: 'HONOURED SIR, 'Your last proposal to me convinces me, that I ought not to stay, but
to go to my father, if it were but to ask his advice about Mr. Williams.
And I am so set upon it, that I am not to be persuaded. So, honoured
sir, with a thousand thanks for all favours, I will set out to-morrow
early; and the honour you designed me, as Mrs. Jervis tells me, of your
chariot, there will be no occasion for: because I can hire, I believe,
farmer Brady's chaise. So, begging you will not take it amiss, I shall
ever be 'Your dutiful Servant.' 'As to the purse, sir, my poor father, to be sure, won't forgive me, if
I take it, till he can know how to deserve it which is impossible.' So he has just now sent Mrs. Jervis to tell me, that since I am resolved
to go, go I may, and the travelling chariot shall be ready; but it shall
be worse for me; for that he will never trouble himself about me as long
as he lives. Well, so I get out of the house, I care not; only I should
have been glad I could, with innocence, have made you, my dear parents,
happy. I cannot imagine the reason of it, but John, who I thought was gone with
my last, is but now going; and he sends to know if I have any thing else
to carry. So I break off to send you this with the former. I am now preparing for my journey, and about taking leave of my good
fellow-servants: and if I have not time to write, I must tell you the
rest, when I am so happy as to be with you. One word more: I slip in a paper of verses, on my going: sad poor stuff!
but as they come from me, you'll not dislike them, may be. I shewed them
to Mrs. Jervis, and she liked them, and took a copy; and made one sing
them to her, and in the green-room too; but I looked into the closet
first. I will only add, that I am Your dutiful DAUGHTER. Let me just say, That he has this moment sent me five guineas by Mrs.
Jervis, as a present for my pocket: So I shall be very rich; for as she
brought them, I thought I might take them. He says he won't see me: and
I may go when I will in the morning; and Lincolnshire Robin shall drive
me: but he is so angry, he orders that nobody shall go out at the door
with me, not so much as into the coach-yard. Well! I can't help it, not
I! But does not this expose himself more than me? But John waits, and I would have brought this and the other myself; but
he says, he has put it up among other things, and so can take both as
well as one. John is very good, and very honest; I am under great obligations to him.
I'd give him a guinea, now I'm so rich, if I thought he'd take it. I
hear nothing of my lady's clothes, and those my master gave me: for I
told Mrs. Jervis, I would not take them; but I fancy, by a word or two
that was dropped, they will be sent after me. Dear sirs! what a rich
Pamela you'll have if they should! But as I can't wear them if they do,
I don't desire them; and if I have them, will turn them into money, as I
can have opportunity. Well, no more--I'm in a fearful hurry!