“Fuck Jay. What are…” his voice falls away, unable to get the words out when he sees my mouth on him.
He tries to sit up but I use my left hand and push firmly on his stomach. He sighs but stays where he is.
“Let me, Coop.” I plead. “I know I’ve never done this before but I want this with you. Now.”
Cooper nods his head as if he wants this as much as I do. I stroke from base to tip a few times and watch as his thighs tense. I lean forward again, taking the tip of him into my mouth and swirling my tongue around it.
He moans and that gives me the courage I need to keep going. I can do this.
With him in my mouth I remember Hailey telling to make eye contact every once in a while. It was weird as hell asking her for advice but it was either her or MacKenzie and I really didn’t want to hear what gets my brother off. That’s just gross.
But I do as she said and lift my eyes to his, seeing his reaction.
“Suck a little harder.” Cooper says as he reaches forward to guide my head. “Fuck…yeah, like that.”
Cooper gets a little too excited and thrusts into my mouth a little too far and it makes me gag. I don’t stop but I push back a little on the hand that’s still holding my head and he doesn’t resist.
“So f**king good,” his breathing picks up and every once in a while he moans in a breathless voice. “Damn…”
I finally find a rhythm that he seems to like and I’m comfortable with. I’ve got one hand holding the base and I’m stroking him as I move my head up and down. I look back up to Cooper and within seconds he has me pinned under him on the bed.
“I don’t want to come in your mouth.” Cooper says with a shaky breath. He reaches down for my left thigh and puts it up on his hip as he grinds against me. This is the closest that Cooper’s dick has ever been to where I want him, need him.
I suck in a sharp breath at the sensation. I reach up and run my hands through his hair.
Cooper kisses my lips, my cheek, down to my jaw, before gently biting on my earlobe. “I love you.” He whispers, his breath hot against my ear.
He continues down my neck, biting and sucking along the way. My heart is hammering foolishly. Cooper reaches down and removes my dress the rest of the way before his lips touch my right nipple with a tantalizing possessiveness that he’s never shown before.
Everything about tonight is different. I guess I’ve finally broken that wall with him and we can move forward instead of spinning our wheels and never getting anywhere.
After showing the same possessiveness to my left nipple, his tongue makes a path down my ribs to my stomach. He takes his time tracing the words of my tattoo with the tip of his tongue. He looks up with so much passion in his eyes that my stomach does a little flip.
“Inhale the future, exhale the past. You’re living to those words every day.” He kisses the words. “My brave, fearless girl,” Cooper says, sliding my panties off. The thought of him kissing me lower sends a shiver through my body and his left hand moves to my stomach, holding me in place.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath as Cooper places an open mouthed kiss on my pu**y. I sigh loudly as he does it again and again. We’ve been around this block plenty of times and each and every time gets better.
His tongue works like magic as it always does with him. He knows the amount of pressure to apply and the right spot to send me into sweet agony as an orgasm rocks my body. I cry out from the release but Cooper doesn’t stop, not even for a minute to let me catch my breath. He’s living up to his promise that I would be screaming his name.
Finally having enough, I start to desperately pull him into me, needing him more than I ever have. “Please Coop,” I beg as I take on his body weight.
Suddenly, just like that I feel the shift happening. Cooper freezes; his eyes close and his body tenses over mine. The moment of ecstasy passing quickly, I turn my head, not wanting him to see my now tear filled eyes.
“Look at me.” Cooper’s voice is husky and demanding, but still shaken from the moment. “I know things aren’t going the way you want them to. I’m trying Jay, I’m f**king trying.” His voice shakes slightly at his words. “I don’t want to screw anything up with you. You’ve been through enough shit your entire life; sometimes I don’t know how you do it.”
I don’t respond for a couple of moments, needing to find the perfect words. I reach up and cup his face in my hands. “I do it because I have you in my corner, Cooper.” A damn tear slips from my eye. “I want this and need this with you. This is the only thing that’s holding us back. We need this. Why can’t you see that?”
“I can’t lose you, Jay. I know this is what you think you want, or need, but what if it’s not?” He pauses and then clears his throat, his eyes so sincere it’s hard to look past them, but I need to. “What if this hurts you even more?”
“It’s what I want.” I try to convey myself through my words but they don’t seem to give him the answer he needs to move forward. “I promise you that, Cooper.”
“I can’t.” He rolls off me with a frustrated sigh.
The moment is completely gone and with it is my patience. I grab the sheets to cover my body as I sit up. When I look over at Cooper he’s looking up to the ceiling, lost in thought. The tears come at full force because I’m pissed at him, at myself for setting myself up for this hurt again.
When he realizes I’m crying, Cooper rolls over and tries to console me but I want no part of it. My grip is slipping by the second. I climb out of bed and grab my clothes piece by piece with shaking hands.
“Why aren’t I good enough for you to sleep with, Cooper?” I yell angrily, unable to look at him. “You used to screw anything that looked in your direction but not me. Why damn it?”
Cooper slowly sits up, his eyes holding anger through a strangled truth. “Jay,” His voice cracks when he says my name, as if it pains him to say it. “You are good enough. Don’t you get it?” He says furiously, watching my every reaction to his words. “You’re too good for me! It’s my f**king fault that any of this happened to you in the first place. I should have never brought you to the damn party.”
“And I’ve told you hundred times that it’s not your God damn fault.” I seethe with anger and humiliation, unwilling to let this go. “Did you know what that ass**le was going to do to me?”