Arlen called to mind the image that had sustained him for the last three years, seeing himself riding down the road, free to roam. As always, the thought swelled him, until he turned to look again at Mery. The fantasy fled, and all he could think about was kissing her again.
“Not you,” he said, taking her hands. “Never you.” Their lips met again, and for a time, his thoughts touched on nothing else.
“I have an assignment to Harden’s Grove,” Ragen said, referring to a small farming hamlet a full day’s ride from Fort Miln. “Would you care to join me, Arlen?”
“Ragen, no!” Elissa cried.
Arlen glared, but Ragen grabbed his arm before he could speak. “Arlen, may I have a moment alone with my wife?” he asked gently. Arlen wiped his mouth and excused himself.
Ragen closed the door after him, but Arlen refused to let his fate be decided out of his hands, and circled around through the kitchen, listening at the servants’ entrance. The cook looked at him, but Arlen looked right back, and the man kept to his own business.
“He’s too young!” Elissa was saying.
“Lissa, he’ll always be too young for you,” Ragen said. “Arlen is sixteen, and he’s old enough to make a simple day trip.”
“You’re encouraging him!”
“You know full well Arlen needs no encouragement from me,” Ragen said.
“Enabling him, then,” Elissa snapped. “He’s safer here!”
“He’ll be safe enough with me,” Ragen said. “Isn’t it better that he makes his first few trips with someone to supervise him?”
“I’d rather he not make his first few trips at all,” Elissa said acidly. “If you cared about him, you’d feel the same.”
“Night, Lissa, it’s not like we’ll even see a demon. We’ll reach the Grove before sunset and leave after sunrise. Regular folk make the trip all the time.”
“I don’t care,” Elissa said. “I don’t want him going.”
“It’s not your choice,” Ragen reminded.
“I forbid it!” Elissa shouted.
“You can’t!” Ragen shouted back. Arlen had never heard him raise his voice to her.
“Just you watch me,” Elissa snarled. “I’ll drug your horses! I’ll chop every spear in two! I’ll throw your armor in the well to rust!”
“Take away every tool you want,” Ragen said through gritted teeth, “and Arlen and I will still leave for Harden’s Grove tomorrow, on foot, if need be.”
“I’ll leave you,” Elissa said quietly.
“What?”
“You heard me,” she said. “Take Arlen out of here, and I’ll be gone before you get back.”
“You can’t be serious,” Ragen said.
“I’ve never been more serious in my life,” Elissa said. “Take him and I go.”
Ragen was quiet a long time. “Look, Lissa,” he said finally. “I know how upset you’ve been that you haven’t gotten pregnant …”
“Don’t you dare bring that into this!” Elissa growled.
“Arlen is not your son!” Ragen shouted. “No amount of smothering will ever make it so! He is our guest, not our child!”
“Of course he’s not our child!” Elissa shouted. “How could he be when you’re out delivering ripping letters whenever I cycle?”
“You knew what I was when you married me,” Ragen reminded her.
“I know,” Elissa replied, “and I’m realizing that I should have listened to my mother.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ragen demanded.
“It means I can’t do this anymore,” Elissa said, starting to cry. “The constant waiting, wondering if you’ll ever come home; the scars you claim are nothing. The praying that the scant few times we make love will conceive before I’m too old. And now, this!
“I knew what you were when we married,” she sobbed, “and I thought I had learned to handle it. But this … Ragen, I just can’t bear the thought of losing you both. I can’t!”
A hand rested on Arlen’s shoulder, giving him a start. Margrit stood there, a stern look on her face. “You shouldn’t be listening to this,” she said, and Arlen felt ashamed for his spying. He was about to leave when he caught the Messenger’s words.
“All right,” Ragen said. “I’ll tell Arlen he can’t come, and stop encouraging him.”
“Really?” Elissa sniffled.
“I promise,” Ragen said. “And when I get back from Harden’s Grove,” he added, “I’ll take a few months off and keep you so fertilized that something can’t help but grow.”
“Oh, Ragen!” Elissa laughed, and Arlen heard her fall into his arms.
“You’re right,” Arlen told Margrit. “I had no right to listen to that.” He swallowed the angry lump in his throat. “But they had no right to discuss it in the first place.”
He went up to his room and began packing his things. Better to sleep on a hard pallet in Cob’s shop than in a soft bed that came at the cost of his right to make his own decisions.
For months, Arlen avoided Ragen and Elissa. They stopped by Cob’s shop often to see him, but he was not to be found. They sent servants to make overtures, but the results were the same.
Without use of Ragen’s stable, Arlen bought his own horse and practiced riding in the fields outside the city. Mery and Jaik often accompanied him, the three of them growing closer. Mery frowned upon the practice, but they were all still young, and the simple joy of galloping a horse about the fields drove other feelings away.
Arlen worked with increasing autonomy in Cob’s shop, taking calls and new customers unsupervised. His name became known in warding circles, and Cob’s profits grew. He hired servants and took on more apprentices, leaving the bulk of their training to Arlen.
Most evenings, Arlen and Mery walked together, taking in the colors of the sky. Their kisses grew hungrier, both wanting more, but Mery always pulled away before it went too far.
“You’ll be done with your apprenticeship in another year,” she kept saying. “We can marry the next day, if you wish, and you can ravish me every night from then on.”
One morning when Cob was away from the shop, Elissa paid a visit. Arlen, busy talking to a customer, didn’t notice her until it was too late.
“Hello, Arlen,” she said when the customer left.
“Hello, Lady Elissa,” he replied.
“There’s no need to be so formal,” Elissa said.
“I think informality confused the nature of our relationship,” Arlen replied. “I don’t want to repeat the error.”
“I’ve apologized again and again, Arlen,” Elissa said. “What will it take for you to forgive me?”
“Mean it,” Arlen answered. The two apprentices at the workbench looked at one another, then got up in unison and left the room.
Elissa took no notice of them. “I do,” she said.
“You don’t,” Arlen replied, gathering some books from the counter and moving to put them away. “You’re sorry that I overheard, and took offense. You’re sorry that I left. The only thing you’re not sorry about is what you did, making Ragen refuse to take me.”