And then, to the utter astonishment of every body but himself, he hauled into the room a monkey, full-dressed, and extravagantly -e; la mode!
The dismay of the company was almost general. Poor Mr. Lovel seemed thunderstruck with indignation and surprise: Lady Louisa began a scream, which for some time was incessant; Miss Mirvan and I jumped involuntarily upon the seats of our chairs; Mrs. Beaumont herself followed our example; Lord Orville placed himself before me as a guard; and Mrs. Selwyn, Lord Merton, and Mr. Coverley, burst into a loud, immoderate, ungovernable fit of laughter, in which they were joined by the Captain, till, unable to support himself, he rolled on the floor.
The first voice which made its way through this general noise was that of Lady Louisa, which her fright and screaming rendered extremely shrill. "Take it away!" cried she, "take the monster away;-I shall faint, I shall faint if you don't!"
Mr. Lovel, irritated beyond endurance, angrily demanded of the Captain what he meant?
"Mean?" cried the Captain, as soon as he was able to speak; "why only to shew you in your proper colours." Then rising, and pointing to the monkey, "Why now, ladies and gentlemen, I'll be judged by you all!-Did you ever see any thing more like?-Odds my life, if it wasn't for this here tail, you wouldn't know one from t'other."
"Sir," cried Mr. Lovel, stamping, "I shall take a time to make you feel my wrath."
"Come now," continued the regardless Captain, "just for the fun's sake, doff your coat and waistcoat, and swop with Monseer Grinagain here; and I'll warrant you'll not know yourself which is which."
"Not know myself from a monkey!-I assure you, Sir, I'm not to be used in this manner, and I won't bear it-curse me if I will!"
"Why, hey-day!" cried the Captain, "what, is master in a passion?-well, don't be angry:-come, he shan't hurt you;-here, shake a paw with him:-why, he'll do you no harm, man!-come, kiss and be friends!"
"Who, I?" cried Mr. Lovel, almost mad with vexation; "as I'm a living creature, I would not touch him for a thousand worlds!"
"Send him a challenge," cried Mr. Coverley, "and I'll be your second."
"Ay, do," said the Captain; "and I'll be second to my friend, Monseer Clapperclaw here. Come to it at once!-tooth and nail!"