"Torment you, sir?"
"You rebuke me properly. I presume I should have courage to meet you always--to speak with you--to look into your eyes--to take your hands in mine. But I find it hard, terribly hard! Each time it is worse--because each time I must leave you. Why did you not wait one day?"
She made no reply. He fought for his self-control.
"Mr. Jefferson, how is he?" he demanded at length. "You left him well?"
"Unchangeable as flint. You said that only the order of your chief could change your plans. I sought to gain that order--I went myself to see Mr. Jefferson, that very day you started. He said that nothing could alter his faith in you, and that nothing could alter the plan you both had made. He would not call you back. He ordered me not to attempt to do so; but I have broken the President's command. You find it hard! Do you think this is not hard for me also?"
"These are strange words. What is your motive? What is it that you plan? Why should you seek to stop me when I am trying to blot your face out of my mind? Strange labor is that--to try to forget what I hold most dear!"
"You shall not leave my face behind you, Captain Lewis!" she said suddenly.
"What do you mean, Theodosia? What is it?"
"You shall see me every night under the stars, Meriwether Lewis. I will not let you go. I will not relinquish you!"
He turned swiftly toward her, but paused as if caught back by some mighty hand.
"What is it?" he said once more, half in a whisper. "What do you mean? Would you ruin me? Would you see me go to ruin?"
"No! To the contrary, shall I allow you to hasten into the usual ruin of a man? If you go yonder, what will be the fate of Meriwether Lewis? You have spoken beautifully to me at times--you have awakened some feeling of what images a woman may make in a man's heart. I have been no more to you than any woman is to any man--the image of a dream. But, that being so beautiful, ought I to allow you to turn it to ruin? Shall I let you go down in savagery? Ah, if I thought I were relinquishing you to that, this would be a heavy day for me!"
"Can you fancy what all this means to me?" he broke out hoarsely.
"Yes, I can fancy. And what for me? So much my feeling for you has been--oh, call it what you like--admiration, affection, maternal tenderness--I do not know what--but so much have I wished, so much have I planned for your future in return for what you have given me--ah, I do not dare tell you. I could not dare come here if I did not know that I was never to see or speak to you again. It tears my heart from my bosom that I must say these things to you. I have risked all my honor in your hands. Is there no reward for that? Is my recompense to be only your assertion that I torment you, that I torture you? What! Is there no torture for me as well? The thought that I have done this covertly, secretly--what do you think that costs me?"