“No, I think I am,” he said. “God, this is going to be hard.” They walked over to the elevator and he punched the button. Then he jammed his hands in his jeans pockets and stared at the floor.
They hadn’t stopped since leaving the Houston airport, driving two hours straight to the hospital. She was dying for a shower and sleep. She’d been wide awake all through the flight. She’d watched the colors of dawn streak the sky, she’d watched the blessed ground finally rush up to meet them. The drive home had been spent mostly on the phone. She looked like hell and she was ready to drop. Last she’d heard, Todd had made it through surgery but wasn’t out of the woods yet.
“Evan…”
“Yeah?”
Won’t there be questions? Won’t they see we came together and we both look like hell? What do we say? What is it that we have here?
She shook her head to clear out the thoughts and reached to put her arms around his waist. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and drew her to him, so she could feel him breathe. His chin rested on the top of her head. As close as they were standing, there seemed to be a gulf between them. It was…a friend’s hug. Not the intimate comfort between lovers who drew strength just from one another’s embrace. But a pat-on-the-back, it’ll-be-okay hug. Please, God, let that all be in my head. “Crazy as we might be, I am glad you’re with me,” she told him, trying to narrow the gap.
“Good,” he said. “Because I feel like I really don’t have a place here.”
“Hey, I feel that way, too,” she said gently. “But Sandra asked me to be here, that’s all that matters. And I know she’ll love to see you.” She looked up at his face. The denim-blue shirt he was wearing dulled the intensity of his green eyes, making them appear almost murky. Or maybe it was just exhaustion. Her fault, all of it.
The elevator doors finally slid open, and she wasn’t encouraged when he released her and stepped on, maintaining his distance once they were both shut inside.
It was then that she began to fume.
This was no picnic for her, either. She didn’t want to be here, she wanted to be lying on the beach, or in bed with him, or stuffing her face with seafood. He lounged against the wall, watching the digital floor numbers tick by. She crossed her arms and stared at her feet. If this was the way it was going to be, she would play right along. For the last ten years of her life, she’d felt like she was chasing after love. First Evan’s. Then Todd’s when she realized something was wrong in their marriage. Now Evan’s again. Damn him, he wasn’t going to do this to her.
She bit her lip on a curse minutes later as they entered the fourth floor waiting area. Sandra was in the corner on the phone. A few of Todd’s aunts and uncles and cousins were there, but Kelsey had never known them well—they were all from out of state.
Courtney’s blonde head was bent over a magazine. That hair… God, she would recognize it anywhere, without even seeing the face it framed. The strands twinkled as if tiny lights were embedded in them. She’d always envied that hair.
For a moment, she wanted to turn and bolt from the room. Or at least grab on to Evan. But he wasn’t touching her, for support or otherwise.
Courtney’s gaze flickered upward and tangled with hers. Kelsey saw her shoulders inflate with her breath, and slowly, she set her magazine aside. When her eyes moved to Evan, her expression flattened. Shattered.
Awkward.
“Kelsey!” Sandra had hung up the phone and was crossing the room, her arms outstretched. She caught Kelsey in a firm hug that belied her frail build. “I’m so glad you’re here. It’s so good to see you. Who’s the handsome stranger you’ve brought with you?”
Evan grinned as Sandra moved to him, and he enfolded her in his arms. “Hey, beautiful.”
“I’ve missed you both so much.”
“I’m sorry,” he told her, seeming unwilling to let her go. “I’ve been horrible. I’ll come see you more often, I promise.”
“Oh, honey, I know you’re busy.” Kelsey heard the unspoken words that filled the ensuing pause: And I know my son wrecked your life. “But you’re welcome to come see me any time. Both of you.” She withdrew from Evan’s arms and dabbed at her eyes.
“Any change?” he asked.
“He’s been awake, thank God,” Sandra said, the weariness that only followed profound relief evident in her voice. “It looks like the surgery was a success.”
“That’s good.”
Sandra looked them both over, puzzlement wrinkling her brow. “I’m almost more worried about you two right now. You both look exhausted. Where did you say you were?”
Oh, God. The question was aimed at Kelsey, who hadn’t admitted where she’d been in any of her conversations with Sandra. It hadn’t come up. Dammit, she and Evan should have discussed this! Desperately, she shot a glance at him. He was rubbing the back of his neck in an uncharacteristic fidget.
It wouldn’t have mattered if they’d rehearsed what they were going to say or not. Evan wouldn’t want to lie about it. She’d have felt guilty about making him. It was probably only her imagination, but it felt like every conversation in the room had dropped, and all eyes were on them. Especially Courtney’s.
“We, uh…we were in Hawaii,” Evan said, when it became apparent Kelsey couldn’t get her voice to work.
“Oh…” Sandra’s gaze traveled between them, understanding dawning. Along with more than a little disappointment. “I had no idea. Kelsey, I’m sorry, honey, you should have told me. Of course I wouldn’t have asked you to—”
“You were in Hawaii?” The hoarse demand came from behind Sandra, where Courtney had risen from her chair. Her blonde eyebrows pulled together in anguish, her fists clenched. “Evan, you…you took…”
She caught the words somehow, perhaps noticing how everyone swung to look at her, and leaned over to snatch her purse off the floor. It was then that Kelsey realized how the other woman looked; Courtney was always well put-together, immaculately dressed even when she was lounging around the house. But today she had on a plain red T-shirt and jeans that appeared to have come from the depths of the hamper. Kelsey stiffened as she stalked toward them, but she only swept past them and out of the waiting room. Evan watched her go, looking like he felt two inches tall. He even took a step toward the door as if he meant to follow her.
Sandra had a wounded look on her face, like a dream she’d long held precious had just been dashed on the rocks before her very eyes. Kelsey knew Sandra had always wished she and Todd would reconcile. Standing here with his family looking at her as if she had done something horrible, it was all too much.
“We only went so his trip wouldn’t go to waste,” she blurted. “We’re just friends.”
Todd’s mother made a you-don’t-have-to-explain gesture. Evan went utterly still, and the icy blast that blew up from the chasm between them was almost palpable. She didn’t know what else he expected, given the way he’d been acting since leaving Hawaii. Was she actually supposed to stand here and announce they were together—when she had no idea if they really were—in front of Todd’s entire family, who knew Evan so well, who even now were still casting her stunned, accusatory stares?