For the first three days after marriage, the girl and her husband should
sleep on the floor, abstain from sexual pleasures, and eat their food
without seasoning it either with alkali or salt. For the next seven days
they should bathe amidst the sounds of auspicious musical instruments,
should decorate themselves, dine together, and pay attention to their
relations as well as to those who may have come to witness their
marriage. This is applicable to persons of all castes. On the night of
the tenth day the man should begin in a lonely place with soft words,
and thus create confidence in the girl. Some authors say that for the
purpose of winning her over he should not speak to her for three days,
but the followers of Babhravya are of opinion that if the man does not
speak with her for three days, the girl may be discouraged by seeing him
spiritless like a pillar, and, becoming dejected, she may begin to
despise him as an eunuch. Vatsyayana says that the man should begin to
win her over, and to create confidence in her, but should abstain at
first from sexual pleasures. Women being of a tender nature, want tender
beginnings, and when they are forcibly approached by men with whom they
are but slightly acquainted, they sometimes suddenly become haters of
sexual connection, and sometimes even haters of the male sex. The man
should therefore approach the girl according to her liking, and should
make use of those devices by which he may be able to establish himself
more and more into her confidence. These devices are as follows:--
He should embrace her first of all in a way she likes most, because it
does not last for a long time.
He should embrace her with the upper part of his body because that is
easier and simpler. If the girl is grown up, or if the man has known
her for some time, he may embrace her by the light of a lamp, but if he
is not well acquainted with her, or if she is a young girl, he should
then embrace her in darkness.
When the girl accepts the embrace, the man should put a "tambula" or
screw of betel nut and betel leaves in her mouth, and if she will not
take it, he should induce her to do so by conciliatory words,
entreaties, oaths, and kneeling at her feet, for it is an universal rule
that however bashful or angry a woman may be, she never disregards a man
kneeling at her feet. At the time of giving this "tambula" he should
kiss her mouth softly and gracefully without making any sound. When she
is gained over in this respect he should then make her talk, and so that
she may be induced to talk he should ask her questions about things of
which he knows or pretends to know nothing, and which can be answered in
a few words. If she does not speak to him, he should not frighten her,
but should ask her the same thing again and again in a conciliatory
manner. If she does not then speak he should urge her to give a reply,
because as Ghotakamukha says, "all girls hear everything said to them by
men, but do not themselves sometimes say a single word." When she is
thus importuned, the girl should give replies by shakes of the head, but
if she quarrelled with the man she should not even do that. When she is
asked by the man whether she wishes for him, and whether she likes him,
she should remain silent for a long time, and when at last importuned to
reply, should give him a favourable answer by a nod of the head. If the
man is previously acquainted with the girl he should converse with her
by means of a female friend, who may be favourable to him, and in the
confidence of both, and carry on the conversation on both sides. On such
an occasion the girl should smile with her head bent down, and if the
female friend say more on her part than she was desired to do, she
should chide her and dispute with her. The female friend should say in
jest even what she is not desired to say by the girl, and add, "she says
so," on which the girl should say indistinctly and prettily, "O no! I
did not say so," and she should then smile and throw an occasional
glance towards the man.