When it is impossible for the man to carry on his endeavours alone, he
should, by means of the daughter of her nurse, or of a female friend in
whom she confides, cause the girl to be brought to him without making
known to her his design, and he should then proceed with her in the
manner above described. Or he should in the beginning send his own
female servant to live with the girl as her friend, and should then gain
her over by her means.
At last, when he knows the state of her feelings by her outward manner
and conduct towards him at religious ceremonies, marriage ceremonies,
fairs, festivals, theatres, public assemblies, and such like occasions,
he should begin to enjoy her when she is alone, for Vatsyayana lays it
down, that women, when resorted to at proper times and in proper
places, do not turn away from their lovers.
When a girl, possessed of good qualities and well-bred, though born in a
humble family, or destitute of wealth, and not therefore desired by her
equals, or an orphan girl, or one deprived of her parents, but observing
the rules of her family and caste, should wish to bring about her own
marriage when she comes of age, such a girl should endeavour to gain
over a strong and good looking young man, or a person whom she thinks
would marry her on account of the weakness of his mind, and even without
the consent of his parents. She should do this by such means as would
endear her to the said person, as well as by frequently seeing and
meeting him. Her mother also should constantly cause them to meet by
means of her female friends, and the daughter of her nurse. The girl
herself should try to get alone with her beloved in some quiet place,
and at odd times should give him flowers, betel nut, betel leaves and
perfumes. She should also show her skill in the practice of the arts, in
shampooing, in scratching and in pressing with the nails. She should
also talk to him on the subjects he likes best, and discuss with him the
ways and means of gaining over and winning the affections of a girl.
But old authors say that although the girl loves the man ever so much,
she should not offer herself, or make the first overtures, for a girl
who does this loses her dignity, and is liable to be scorned and
rejected. But when the man shows his wish to enjoy her, she should be
favourable to him and should show no change in her demeanour when he
embraces her, and should receive all the manifestations of his love as
if she were ignorant of the state of his mind. But when he tries to kiss
her she should oppose him; when he begs to be allowed to have sexual
intercourse with her she should let him touch her private parts only and
with considerable difficulty; and though importuned by him, she should
not yield herself up to him as if of her own accord, but should resists
his attempts to have her. It is only, moreover, when she is certain that
she is truly loved, and that her lover is indeed devoted to her, and
will not change his mind, that she should then give herself up to him,
and persuade him to marry her quickly. After losing her virginity she
should tell her confidential friends about it.