HIGGINS [peremptorily] Sit down.
THE FLOWER GIRL. Oh, if you're going to make a compliment of it--
HIGGINS [thundering at her] Sit down.
MRS. PEARCE [severely] Sit down, girl. Do as you're told. [She places
the stray chair near the hearthrug between Higgins and Pickering, and
stands behind it waiting for the girl to sit down].
THE FLOWER GIRL. Ah--ah--ah--ow--ow--oo! [She stands, half rebellious,
half bewildered].
PICKERING [very courteous] Won't you sit down?
LIZA [coyly] Don't mind if I do. [She sits down. Pickering returns to
the hearthrug].
HIGGINS. What's your name?
THE FLOWER GIRL. Liza Doolittle.
HIGGINS [declaiming gravely] Eliza, Elizabeth, Betsy and Bess, They
went to the woods to get a birds nes': PICKERING. They found a nest
with four eggs in it: HIGGINS. They took one apiece, and left three
in it.
They laugh heartily at their own wit.
LIZA. Oh, don't be silly.
MRS. PEARCE. You mustn't speak to the gentleman like that.
LIZA. Well, why won't he speak sensible to me?
HIGGINS. Come back to business. How much do you propose to pay me for
the lessons?
LIZA. Oh, I know what's right. A lady friend of mine gets French
lessons for eighteenpence an hour from a real French gentleman. Well,
you wouldn't have the face to ask me the same for teaching me my own
language as you would for French; so I won't give more than a shilling.
Take it or leave it.
HIGGINS [walking up and down the room, rattling his keys and his cash
in his pockets] You know, Pickering, if you consider a shilling, not as
a simple shilling, but as a percentage of this girl's income, it works
out as fully equivalent to sixty or seventy guineas from a millionaire.
PICKERING. How so?
HIGGINS. Figure it out. A millionaire has about 150 pounds a day. She
earns about half-a-crown.
LIZA [haughtily] Who told you I only--
HIGGINS [continuing] She offers me two-fifths of her day's income for a
lesson. Two-fifths of a millionaire's income for a day would be
somewhere about 60 pounds. It's handsome. By George, it's enormous!
it's the biggest offer I ever had.
LIZA [rising, terrified] Sixty pounds! What are you talking about? I
never offered you sixty pounds. Where would I get--
HIGGINS. Hold your tongue.
LIZA [weeping] But I ain't got sixty pounds. Oh--
MRS. PEARCE. Don't cry, you silly girl. Sit down. Nobody is going to
touch your money.
HIGGINS. Somebody is going to touch you, with a broomstick, if you
don't stop snivelling. Sit down.
LIZA [obeying slowly] Ah--ah--ah--ow--oo--o! One would think you was my
father.
HIGGINS. If I decide to teach you, I'll be worse than two fathers to
you. Here [he offers her his silk handkerchief]!