The Forsyte Saga - Volume 2 - Page 81/238

Suddenly Soames said: "I can't go on like this. I tell you, I can't

go on like this." His eyes were shifting from side to side, like an

animal's when it looks for way of escape. 'He really suffers,' thought

Jolyon; 'I've no business to forget that, just because I don't like

him.'

"Surely," he said gently, "it lies with yourself. A man can always put

these things through if he'll take it on himself."

Soames turned square to him, with a sound which seemed to come from

somewhere very deep.

"Why should I suffer more than I've suffered already? Why should I?"

Jolyon could only shrug his shoulders. His reason agreed, his instinct

rebelled; he could not have said why.

"Your father," went on Soames, "took an interest in her--why, goodness

knows! And I suppose you do too?" he gave Jolyon a sharp look. "It seems

to me that one only has to do another person a wrong to get all the

sympathy. I don't know in what way I was to blame--I've never known.

I always treated her well. I gave her everything she could wish for. I

wanted her."

Again Jolyon's reason nodded; again his instinct shook its head. 'What

is it?' he thought; 'there must be something wrong in me. Yet if there

is, I'd rather be wrong than right.'

"After all," said Soames with a sort of glum fierceness, "she was my

wife."

In a flash the thought went through his listener: 'There it is!

Ownerships! Well, we all own things. But--human beings! Pah!'

"You have to look at facts," he said drily, "or rather the want of

them."

Soames gave him another quick suspicious look.

"The want of them?" he said. "Yes, but I am not so sure."

"I beg your pardon," replied Jolyon; "I've told you what she said. It

was explicit."

"My experience has not been one to promote blind confidence in her word.

We shall see."

Jolyon got up.

"Good-bye," he said curtly.

"Good-bye," returned Soames; and Jolyon went out trying to understand

the look, half-startled, half-menacing, on his cousin's face. He sought

Waterloo Station in a disturbed frame of mind, as though the skin of

his moral being had been scraped; and all the way down in the train he

thought of Irene in her lonely flat, and of Soames in his lonely

office, and of the strange paralysis of life that lay on them both.

'In chancery!' he thought. 'Both their necks in chancery--and her's so

pretty!'