"Oh, yes, I can."
Jon put his hands on her shoulders.
"Fleur, do you know anything you haven't told me?"
It was the point-blank question she had dreaded. She looked straight
at him, and answered: "No." She had burnt her boats; but what did it
matter, if she got him? He would forgive her. And throwing her arms
round his neck, she kissed him on the lips. She was winning! She felt it
in the beating of his heart against her, in the closing of his eyes. "I
want to make sure! I want to make sure!" she whispered. "Promise!"
Jon did not answer. His face had the stillness of extreme trouble. At
last he said:
"It's like hitting them. I must think a little, Fleur. I really must."
Fleur slipped out of his arms.
"Oh! Very well!" And suddenly she burst into tears of disappointment,
shame, and overstrain. Followed five minutes of acute misery. Jon's
remorse and tenderness knew no bounds; but he did not promise. Despite
her will to cry, "Very well, then, if you don't love me enough-goodbye!"
she dared not. From birth accustomed to her own way, this check from one
so young, so tender, so devoted, baffled and surprised her. She wanted
to push him away from her, to try what anger and coldness would do, and
again she dared not. The knowledge that she was scheming to rush
him blindfold into the irrevocable weakened everything--weakened the
sincerity of pique, and the sincerity of passion; even her kisses had
not the lure she wished for them. That stormy little meeting ended
inconclusively.
"Will you some tea, gnadiges Fraulein?"
Pushing Jon from her, she cried out:
"No-no, thank you! I'm just going."
And before he could prevent her she was gone.
She went stealthily, mopping her gushed, stained cheeks, frightened,
angry, very miserable. She had stirred Jon up so fearfully, yet nothing
definite was promised or arranged! But the more uncertain and hazardous
the future, the more "the will to have" worked its tentacles into the
flesh of her heart--like some burrowing tick!
No one was at Green Street. Winifred had gone with Imogen to see a play
which some said was allegorical, and others "very exciting, don't you
know." It was because of what others said that Winifred and Imogen had
gone. Fleur went on to Paddington. Through the carriage the air from
the brick-kilns of West Drayton and the late hayfields fanned her still
gushed cheeks. Flowers had seemed to be had for the picking; now they
were all thorned and prickled. But the golden flower within the crown of
spikes seemed to her tenacious spirit all the fairer and more desirable.