The Forsyte Saga - Volume 3 - Page 174/204

"That old story--was it so very dreadful?"

"Yes." In his voice, too, there was a note of defiance.

She dragged her hands away. "I didn't think in these days boys were tied

to their mothers' apron-strings."

Jon's chin went up as if he had been struck.

"Oh! I didn't mean it, Jon. What a horrible thing to say!" Swiftly she

came close to him. "Jon, dear; I didn't mean it."

"All right."

She had put her two hands on his shoulder, and her forehead down on

them; the brim of her hat touched his neck, and he felt it quivering.

But, in a sort of paralysis, he made no response. She let go of his

shoulder and drew away.

"Well, I'll go, if you don't want me. But I never thought you'd have

given me up."

"I haven't," cried Jon, coming suddenly to life. "I can't. I'll try

again."

Her eyes gleamed, she swayed toward him. "Jon--I love you! Don't give

me up! If you do, I don't know what--I feel so desperate. What does it

matter--all that past-compared with this?"

She clung to him. He kissed her eyes, her cheeks, her lips. But while he

kissed her he saw, the sheets of that letter fallen down on the floor

of his bedroom--his father's white dead face--his mother kneeling

before it. Fleur's whispered, "Make her! Promise! Oh! Jon, try!" seemed

childish in his ear. He felt curiously old.

"I promise!" he muttered. "Only, you don't understand."

"She wants to spoil our lives, just because--"

"Yes, of what?"

Again that challenge in his voice, and she did not answer. Her arms

tightened round him, and he returned her kisses; but even while he

yielded, the poison worked in him, the poison of the letter. Fleur did

not know, she did not understand--she misjudged his mother; she came

from the enemy's camp! So lovely, and he loved her so--yet, even in her

embrace, he could not help the memory of Holly's words: "I think she

has a 'having' nature," and his mother's "My darling boy, don't think of

me--think of yourself!"

When she was gone like a passionate dream, leaving her image on his

eyes, her kisses on his lips, such an ache in his heart, Jon leaned in

the window, listening to the car bearing her away. Still the scent as of

warm strawberries, still the little summer sounds that should make his

song; still all the promise of youth and happiness in sighing, floating,

fluttering July--and his heart torn; yearning strong in him; hope high

in him yet with its eyes cast down, as if ashamed. The miserable task

before him! If Fleur was desperate, so was he--watching the poplars

swaying, the white clouds passing, the sunlight on the grass.