Middlemarch - Page 422/561

"Yes, it must be right for you to do as you say. I shall be very happy

when I hear that you have made your value felt. But you must have

patience. It will perhaps be a long while."

Will never quite knew how it was that he saved himself from falling

down at her feet, when the "long while" came forth with its gentle

tremor. He used to say that the horrible hue and surface of her crape

dress was most likely the sufficient controlling force. He sat still,

however, and only said--

"I shall never hear from you. And you will forget all about me."

"No," said Dorothea, "I shall never forget you. I have never forgotten

any one whom I once knew. My life has never been crowded, and seems

not likely to be so. And I have a great deal of space for memory at

Lowick, haven't I?" She smiled.

"Good God!" Will burst out passionately, rising, with his hat still in

his hand, and walking away to a marble table, where he suddenly turned

and leaned his back against it. The blood had mounted to his face and

neck, and he looked almost angry. It had seemed to him as if they were

like two creatures slowly turning to marble in each other's presence,

while their hearts were conscious and their eyes were yearning. But

there was no help for it. It should never be true of him that in this

meeting to which he had come with bitter resolution he had ended by a

confession which might be interpreted into asking for her fortune.

Moreover, it was actually true that he was fearful of the effect which

such confessions might have on Dorothea herself.

She looked at him from that distance in some trouble, imagining that

there might have been an offence in her words. But all the while there

was a current of thought in her about his probable want of money, and

the impossibility of her helping him. If her uncle had been at home,

something might have been done through him! It was this preoccupation

with the hardship of Will's wanting money, while she had what ought to

have been his share, which led her to say, seeing that he remained

silent and looked away from her--

"I wonder whether you would like to have that miniature which hangs

up-stairs--I mean that beautiful miniature of your grandmother. I

think it is not right for me to keep it, if you would wish to have it.

It is wonderfully like you."

"You are very good," said Will, irritably. "No; I don't mind about it.

It is not very consoling to have one's own likeness. It would be more

consoling if others wanted to have it."