"It's not a thing I would put in my drawing-room," said Mrs. Mawmsey,
audibly, for the warning of the rash husband. "I wonder at Mrs.
Larcher. Every blessed child's head that fell against it would be cut
in two. The edge is like a knife."
"Quite true," rejoined Mr. Trumbull, quickly, "and most uncommonly
useful to have a fender at hand that will cut, if you have a leather
shoe-tie or a bit of string that wants cutting and no knife at hand:
many a man has been left hanging because there was no knife to cut him
down. Gentlemen, here's a fender that if you had the misfortune to
hang yourselves would cut you down in no time--with astonishing
celerity--four-and-sixpence--five--five-and-sixpence--an appropriate
thing for a spare bedroom where there was a four-poster and a guest a
little out of his mind--six shillings--thank you, Mr. Clintup--going
at six shillings--going--gone!" The auctioneer's glance, which had
been searching round him with a preternatural susceptibility to all
signs of bidding, here dropped on the paper before him, and his voice
too dropped into a tone of indifferent despatch as he said, "Mr.
Clintup. Be handy, Joseph."
"It was worth six shillings to have a fender you could always tell that
joke on," said Mr. Clintup, laughing low and apologetically to his next
neighbor. He was a diffident though distinguished nurseryman, and
feared that the audience might regard his bid as a foolish one.
Meanwhile Joseph had brought a trayful of small articles. "Now,
ladies," said Mr. Trumbull, taking up one of the articles, "this tray
contains a very recherchy lot--a collection of trifles for the
drawing-room table--and trifles make the sum _of_ human things--nothing
more important than trifles--(yes, Mr. Ladislaw, yes, by-and-by)--but
pass the tray round, Joseph--these bijoux must be examined, ladies.
This I have in my hand is an ingenious contrivance--a sort of
practical rebus, I may call it: here, you see, it looks like an elegant
heart-shaped box, portable--for the pocket; there, again, it becomes
like a splendid double flower--an ornament for the table; and now"--Mr.
Trumbull allowed the flower to fall alarmingly into strings of
heart-shaped leaves--"a book of riddles! No less than five hundred
printed in a beautiful red. Gentlemen, if I had less of a conscience,
I should not wish you to bid high for this lot--I have a longing for
it myself. What can promote innocent mirth, and I may say virtue, more
than a good riddle?--it hinders profane language, and attaches a man to
the society of refined females. This ingenious article itself, without
the elegant domino-box, card-basket, &c., ought alone to give a high
price to the lot. Carried in the pocket it might make an individual
welcome in any society. Four shillings, sir?--four shillings for this
remarkable collection of riddles with the et caeteras. Here is a
sample: 'How must you spell honey to make it catch lady-birds?
Answer--money.' You hear?--lady-birds--honey money. This is an
amusement to sharpen the intellect; it has a sting--it has what we call
satire, and wit without indecency. Four-and-sixpence--five shillings."