“How different are you from the way you were before your accident?”
“Ask Candace,” she snapped. “She can tell you.”
“I’m asking you. Because the girl I saw in those pictures at your place…she looked fearless. And proud.”
“That girl still wouldn’t have gone to a death metal concert.”
“That may be, but she never thought she’d be running from herself either, did she?”
She gave a humorless laugh and shook her head. “I don’t know why you’re doing this. What the hell are you trying to prove?”
Sighing, he dropped down beside her. The warm comfort of his hand stroked up her back, under her hair, and his fingers kneaded her gently. “I didn’t mean to blow up at you. It’s just something that’s been on my mind, and the opportunity came up to get it out there.”
“What exactly has been on your mind? Clue me in a little.”
“Nothing about you was adding up. I don’t have to ask Candace how awesome you were at your rodeo-queen stuff. I could see it. But what I saw there that night at your place, in those pictures, it wasn’t what I was seeing in you. This shouldn’t be a woman who needed anyone to ‘shut her up’ because she’s so cautious. This should be a woman who kicked ass and took names. Who tells other people when to shut up.” He gently brushed the hair back from her ear. “I still see her, you know. I think you should let her out to play more often.”
Macy sniffled, suddenly unafraid to let him see that tears were dripping one by one from her eyes, splattering onto his shirt she wore. “I can tell you the precise moment when I locked her up,” she said softly, voice quavering as much as her hands.
“Tell me.”
“When I woke up in that hospital bed, and…I couldn’t move.” He pulled her closer, putting his lips to the side of her forehead. She sucked in a strangled breath and faced the darkness of that moment for the first time since she’d shoved it into the furthest recesses of her mind. “I didn’t understand at first; I thought I was paralyzed. But I should’ve known I wasn’t, because, oh my God, the pain. I hurt all over. I broke bones other than my back, mainly ribs, because my horse fell over me. My entire body looked like it was in a cast. I had a concussion, and my head was wrapped up. I freaked out. My mom burst into tears. It was relief on her part, because I was awake and coherent, but it scared me even more, because I just knew she was crying because I’d never walk again.”
He was silent, just holding her, letting her go on in her own time. “You mount up knowing all the risks,” she said after a few moments. “I always knew them. I had friends who got hurt, and I’d even been thrown plenty of times myself. When you think you’re invincible, though, like I did, it’s easy to believe it’s all worth the risk. I only found out that it wasn’t. Not to me.”
She thought about Jared and how she’d told him to get away from her until he listened. She’d done the same thing to a lot of her friends. Hell, if her parents hadn’t been stuck with her, she’d have sent them packing too. They were all stark, painful reminders of what she could no longer have, what she could no longer do. Rather, what she wouldn’t let herself do.
Candace and Sam, they hadn’t left her. But they hadn’t been part of her rodeo life, and she’d clung to them, perhaps more than anyone else. It was no wonder any rift in those relationships threw her into a tizzy. Those two had been her lifeline. Still were in ways.
“I can understand,” Seth said after a long silence. “I don’t like it for you. I want to see you doing what you love. You deserve that. But I definitely understand.”
“Everyone deserves that, don’t they? But it doesn’t mean they get what they want. Thank you, though.”
“I stand by what I said. I wish I’d known you back then. I wish I’d…been there for you.”
She scoffed. “I’d have chased you away.”
“Baby, a little something about me you might not know yet…I don’t run that easily. And you don’t scare me.”
Chapter Fifteen
The sun hadn’t peeked over the trees yet, but it had to be getting close. Seth had done more than get his laptop to play her some music. He’d brought out his guitar and amp. She now knew he played melodic death metal, and she’d been introduced to an overview of In Flames’ discography and evolution. Despite her reservations, and the fact that a deeper understanding of the music didn’t dispense with the slight headache it gave her, watching him play thrilled her. To see the muscles flex in his arms and chest, to witness the passion and power he put into every note. What was once an adamant no about going to one of his shows turned into a well, maybe, someday. With a lot of Advil on hand.
She wouldn’t tell him that yet, though. Make him suffer. He didn’t seem to mind doing the same to her.
“Here, I think you’ll like this,” he said, sitting on the ottoman opposite her with his guitar in his lap. “Probably more your speed.”
She perked up. “Really? I can’t wait to see what you consider my speed.”
Seth chuckled and cleared his throat. He let the suspense build for a minute, then the unmistakable opening strains of “Sweet Home Alabama” filled the air.
Macy laughed in delight, clapping her hands. But that wasn’t the only surprise he had for her; her jaw fell open as he began to sing the lyrics in a clear, flawless voice. Was there anything this guy couldn’t do well? She didn’t know what to focus on. The mesmerizing movements of his long, graceful fingers on the fret, or his delectable mouth forming the words she’d known by heart ever since she was a little girl. Hell. It didn’t matter where she looked. His bare, inked chest, his tattered jeans or his skillful hands. He was the whole package.
“Awesome,” she breathed as he finished with a flourish.
Grinning sheepishly, he picked out a few more chords. “Thanks.”
“What on earth possessed you to learn to play that?”
“Hey, I have respect for the classics.” His gaze went to a point over her left shoulder, toward the area where the family pictures were gathered. All at once, his eyes unfocused, and his jaw tightened almost imperceptibly. “One of the few memories I have of my dad was of him playing that song.”
“Well, I think he’d be very proud.”
She wanted to kiss the little smile that teased his lips then. “That’s kinda the thing. I probably haven’t done much else he’d be proud of, so I decided to strive to perfect that one thing.”
“I doubt that.” Stifling a yawn with her hand, she checked her watch. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve stayed up all night since… Hmm. I don’t know if I’ve ever stayed up all night.”
Seth pulled his guitar strap over his head and set the instrument aside, and she couldn’t help but think he was grateful for the change of topic. “It’s been a while since I have. You’re a bad influence.”
“I should get home, let you sleep. Are you working tonight?”
“Shit. Yeah. I am.”
“Oh no. You’ll be a zombie.”
“I’ll be all right.” He moved to sit next to her on the couch. Without even thinking, she snuggled up to his warm, bare chest. It seemed equally natural when his arm settled around her shoulders, hugging her close. “You don’t have to go anywhere, you know. Unless you want to.”