Macy’s breath caught as shame burned through her middle. His dark eyes searched her face.
“You quit talking to me,” he went on. “More than that, you avoided the shit out of me. Do you remember what you said to me, after we were done? You told me not to tell anyone.”
That’s right, she had. It wasn’t as bad as it sounded, though, he had to know that. She shook her head, but he continued. “What, I was good enough to bang a few orgasms out of you, but I wasn’t good enough for your friends to have a clue?”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m not one to talk about stuff like that, even with my best friends. Ask Candace and Sam when they get here, if you want. I didn’t know if you were the type to run and brag to Brian you’d got it on with his girl’s best friend. Yes, I was a little embarrassed and a little confused and wondering what the hell was up with myself. But my asking you not to tell anyone wasn’t commentary on you. It was on me. I promise.”
She hadn’t meant to hurt him. She hadn’t thought she would hurt him, or even that she could. Back then, especially, he’d seemed so…invincible. Impervious. Yeah, she’d really thought he might boast to his buddies that he’d managed to nail Candace’s frigid best friend in his backseat, and she would die of mortification, and that would be that. But no. As far as she knew, he hadn’t breathed a word of it, and he wouldn’t have even if she hadn’t asked it of him.
Reaching up, she captured his face between her hands. She could look at that face forever, she realized. So full of character, so beautiful. She’d laughed more with him in the past couple of weeks than she had in the entire year. And she had to leave him. The thought of not touching him, not hearing his laughter in her ear or seeing that devilish glint in his eyes for who knew how long, laid her heart wide open.
“I’m really going to miss you,” she said, hating how banal it sounded. If those damn threatening tears began to win out, she was going to have to let them. They would speak more for her feelings than her voice ever could.
A little bit in love, my ass.
“Macy…” Her transition into his arms was seamless; she didn’t know if she went into them or if he pulled her in first—it was simply a fluid, instinctive motion. As if they both knew she belonged there.
“I don’t know what to say,” he breathed into her hair, squeezing the air from her. “Fuck. Just wait for me.”
That was all he needed to say.
“I will.”
Chapter Seventeen
There were so many reasons he dreaded her leaving. For one, once she was gone it meant he would have to face what was waiting for him at the hospital, and he didn’t know if he could take it. For another, he’d be left staring at the happy f**king baby-making couple without her comforting voice of reason at his ear or her calming presence by his side.
Last but most importantly…God, he hadn’t realized just how much he was going to miss her until he watched her friend’s car pull up front, and it hit him like a kick in the gut.
“There they are,” she said quietly, standing from the porch swing where they’d been swaying mostly in silence for over an hour. Without her warmth curled almost protectively against his side, the cold seeped in, but she didn’t let go of his hand as he stood and followed her down the steps. So there was that.
Candace bailed out of the passenger’s seat and rushed forward, hugging him and saying how sorry she was for everything, how she and Brian were there if he needed anything done back home, but he heard it and watched it all through a fog. Brian had already told him that on the phone. Told him to take all the time he needed, and he would still have a job whenever he was ready for it.
Damn, he hated letting him down or leaving him in a bind.
He wanted to ask Macy to stay. At least for a day or two. The impossibility of it didn’t make it any easier to resist. Her friends had already come all this way. She had a life, and he wasn’t a permanent-enough presence in it yet for an interference of that magnitude. Besides, even if by some miracle she didn’t shoot him down cold, it would only be that much worse when she finally did go back. He was getting way too ahead of himself, dumping all this on her. She’d end up running before they even had a fair shot. Hell, he was damn lucky she hadn’t already.
“You are a saint,” Candace was saying, hugging Macy now. That much he knew, and he hoped Macy did too. She was an angel on earth to go through the last twenty-four sleepless hours with him.
“I’m a sleepy saint,” Macy said. Her eyelids drooped a little. He’d thought a couple of times she’d been dozing on the swing. Still, she was beautiful, her skin a little flushed from the chill, her hazel eyes no less clear for the apparent drowsiness.
“I bet. We’ll leave you alone and you can sleep all the way home.”
Samantha came around the front of her SUV. “I brought pillows and a blanket for you, even.”
“Bless you.” The two exchanged a quick hug and Macy asked if she could retrieve her purse from Ghost’s car.
He got it for her, making sure his fingers brushed hers as he handed it over. Her gaze met his, held there and spoke volumes her friends couldn’t hear. There were no words, anyway. Maybe that was part of his f**king problem; he never knew how to say the words to keep someone from leaving him. Macy was different from anyone he’d ever been with, though. She would understand.
Yeah. He’d thought that about Brooke once too, hadn’t he? And she was pregnant with his brother’s kid. In the beginning, he’d even thought it about Raina, who was so much like him on so many levels that surely there was no way they couldn’t work out. Eventually, their explosiveness together had only resulted in their self-destruction.
Don’t think about that shit, man.
There was way more pressing crap to worry about.
“I guess…we’d better get on the road,” Macy said, shouldering the strap of her purse then stroking the back of his hand with her thumb.
“Yeah.” He had to resist licking his lips with his need to kiss her.
“I’d feel bad not saying good-bye to everyone…”
“I’ll tell Steph for you; she understands. As for the others, don’t worry about it. Really.”
“Okay.”
“I wish you didn’t have to go.”
At his blurted words, her expression seemed to drain. Was that good or bad? He knew she couldn’t stay; he wasn’t that dense. All that mattered was that she would if she were able. When her eyes filled with tears, he decided it must be a good sign. Sam and Candace returned to the car, giving them their privacy.
“Everything is going to work out for the best,” she told him, gently taking his shoulders in her hands. “You have to believe that.”
“I know it will.”
Standing on her toes, she pressed her lips to his, lingering until he was just getting ready to crush her in his arms, throw her over his shoulder and run away with her caveman style—and then she pulled back, stroked his cheek once and turned away. Taking her sugary vanilla scent and her quiet reassurance with her, leaving him to face some harsh, cold realities all on his own.
But that’s the way it had always been. That’s the way he’d preferred it. What was different now?