“I went to see my mother the other day. To let her know about the baby.”
“And?”
“I think I told you we’re not close because of my stepdad. I guess we’re even less close than I thought. It’s…complicated. I’m worried about her, being there all by herself, and I know she’s been depressed ever since he died. I don’t have any brothers or sisters, and I thought hearing she had a grandchild on the way might cheer her up. It didn’t. If anything, it made it worse. She doesn’t seem to even want me in her life anymore. I offered to bring her here, help her out as much as I could. She wasn’t hearing it.”
“Oh, baby.” She put her hand to his strong jaw, stroking the stubble there with her thumb. How? How could a woman turn her back on a son as wonderful as he seemed to be? It didn’t make any sense. The slow burn of anger crept through her blood. She wished she could get five minutes alone with the woman. He probably didn’t want her input on the situation, but still, she was glad he was finally opening up a little. “I’m sorry. I just don’t understand.”
“I haven’t told you the whole story. Hell, I’ve never told anyone. She blamed me for his dying.” Sighing, he took her hand from his cheek and pressed a kiss into her palm. He drew a breath, and her heart gave a little flip. “We were fighting when he collapsed with a heart attack. I’ve tried to tell her so many times he was unhealthy to start with, that he was a ticking time bomb after all the years of alcohol abuse, but she won’t listen. She thought he could’ve had more time on earth if I’d just minded my own business and not gotten between them that day.”
“Jesus.” No other words would string together in a coherent thought.
“I try to remember that she was kept under his thumb and emotionally beaten down for so long that it’s skewed her perception or some shit, but I never once thought after it was all over and he was gone that it would still be this way between us.”
All at once, her complaints about her own parents seemed frivolous. In fact, she would go have a long talk with her mother tomorrow. “I know you love your mom very much.”
“I do. I really do.”
“If you want, after the baby comes, we’ll go see her. We’ll show her her grandchild, sweetie, and if she turns us away then, you’ll know the relationship isn’t worth pursuing. But you’ll also know you did everything you could.”
He stared at her, blinking. “You’d do that?”
“Of course I would.”
“We’ll see. I’m usually one to stay clear when I know I’m not wanted.”
“But it’s your mom.”
“If she wants to live in her misery, though, I don’t want her to drag me down into it too. I lived most of my life in it. When I finally busted out, I swore I’d never go back. I think of her, and I want good things for her, but I have to think of myself too.”
She ached for what he’d had to live with during most of his young life, her eyes drawn to the scar cutting through his eyebrow. How many beatings had he taken that hadn’t required a hospital? Or maybe they had, he just wasn’t taken for proper care? Gabby felt more inclined to throttle the woman than introduce her to her grandchild—her child. She hoped he’d at least gotten therapy—but figured he hadn’t. When she knew him better, she might suggest it.
“What did they tell the doctors?” she asked quietly. He didn’t mistake her meaning.
“That I got into a fight and some kid threw a rock. I didn’t speak up because I was afraid I’d get it even worse later.”
Some people didn’t deserve to breathe good oxygen. “Did she lie for him?”
“Actually, no, she just kept her mouth shut while he lied.”
“Did she ever at least try to leave him? Or consider it?”
“No. Never. Wouldn’t hear of it. She’d leave the room whenever I would start begging her to, or to at least let me go live somewhere else.”
“God, Ian. She’s damn lucky neither of you ended up dead. Damn lucky.”
“I know. I’ve said that to her. She didn’t appreciate it.”
“I bet. You know…” She trailed off and frowned. “Kids would come into the ER all the time with head wounds or weird lacerations and bruises. Sometimes the parents would tell the story and my hair would stand on end. Just that feeling that you know something’s not right, that you’re being lied to. I’ve made the call to CPS so many times while I was nursing. Sounds like a lot of people dropped the ball with you.”
He ran his thumb under her left eye. “Given how I think you’re looking right through me sometimes, I don’t doubt you would’ve picked up on it.”
“I miss my job,” she said softly. “I can’t give up on being a doctor. Sitting in the waiting room today with sick babies in front of me…I had this really strong feeling that I’m needed. I can’t give up.”
“Who ever told you that you had to give it up, baby?”
“No one’s told me. I’ve been weighing my options. It did occur to me to go back to nursing, get a job here and forget med school.”
“I don’t think you should do that. No way, Gabby. You can’t want to do that, can you?”
“No. But you said it yourself, my support system is here.”
“I know. I was kinda in shock when you first told me. Sorry about that. I had this mental image of you completely cutting me out of your life except for visitation rights and child support or something. I’m not worried about that now.”
“No. I wouldn’t do that to you.” She drew a circle on his shoulder, weighing her next words. “I don’t expect to you drop everything and run to Dallas for me. Take your time and decide if it’s what you want.”
“I just want to be with you. But I’d rather not leave until Brian has someone else lined up to take my place—if he doesn’t fire me first, anyway.”
“And in the meantime…we both go nuts.”
“We can work out some visits, I’m sure.”
“What, weekends when I’m already tired and sleep deprived, and when we both know Brian needs you to work?”
He chuckled. “You’re a little pessimistic, aren’t you?”
She looked at him gravely. “I usually consider it realistic.”
Sighing, he rolled onto his back, bending his arm back behind his head, and gazed at the ceiling. Gabby rested her chin on his chest, her own gaze as far away as her thoughts. “What is it you want me to do, then?” he finally asked.
“I couldn’t expect you to do anything more, Ian, I promise. But it sucks. You have to admit.”
“All we can do is roll with it. I wouldn’t expect you to do anything other than what you’re doing, either.”
“Are you sure if you had things the exact way you wanted, I’d be staying here?”
“Hell, no,” he said, lifting his head to look at her. It was a relief to see the vehemence at such an idea in his eyes. “If I thought you were staying here for me, it would drive me nuts. I’d pack you up and take you to Dallas myself. Are we clear on that?”