“He never had to put up with this much, though,” Gabby pointed out.
“Yeah, he’s a f**king saint. I’m not. And I’m not gonna pretend to be one. You shouldn’t either, sis. If you want to be with Ian, then f**king be with him. You have my blessing, anyway. Jesus Christ.”
She had to chuckle, because Brian kept gesturing wildly with various boxes of food items as he ranted, and finally he shoved them in place and slammed the cabinet door as if the entire conversation had agitated him beyond control. Candace flinched, and Gabby sent her a sympathetic smile. Her little brother could be a hothead, but certainly it wasn’t the first time Candace had witnessed it. It had to be a burden on her, since her family was a huge part of their problem.
“What do you think they’re going to say?” Gabby asked her, and Candace didn’t have to ask whom she meant.
“Oh, they’ll be furious.” Her petite hands drifted down to her belly, hidden beneath Brian’s three-sizes-too-big shirt, and she shrugged before dropping them back to her sides. “But I’m with him on every point. I’m sick of it all. We planned to do this all along, but me getting pregnant has kinda put a rush on things.”
Gabby shifted her gaze back to Brian. “So this weekend, you said.”
“We’re going to fly to Vegas. She got our plane tickets today.”
“I’m happy for you guys. I really am. But…dammit! I so wanted a big wedding for you.”
“We never wanted that,” Brian said.
“Nope,” Candace agreed, shaking her head. “Never.”
“Is it not what you want, though, or is it yet another thing you’re letting your family dictate for you, Candace? The need to run away instead of having to deal with them through a big wedding?” Funny she was asking that. Wasn’t she allowing her family to dictate plenty for her right now?
“I see what you’re saying, but honestly, he’s all I need. I don’t need a crowd or a white dress or any of that crap. Hell, I’d rather get married in black.”
Brian grinned. “That’s my girl.”
God. Gabriella could only imagine how the Andrews family would react to something like that. Police cars and ambulances came to mind. How could it be that she wished so hard for things for Brian that she wouldn’t want for herself? If eloping was what they wanted, could Gabby really blame them? The memory of being the excited, nervous, expectant bride came back, rising around her like a flood intent on sweeping her away. And that moment when she’d had all of it ripped out from under her in one simple sentence from Evan.
“Gabby, he’s not here.”
Not that Brian would ever in a million years do to Candace what Mark had done to Gabby—but still. If she could ever be talked into going through with the whole thing again—and that was a big if—she would never want to set herself up for such failure again.
Failure… It didn’t necessarily have to happen at the altar, though, did it? It could happen years later and still blindside her as severely as it had that day, still rip her world apart.
Maybe it wasn’t weddings she had such a problem with… It was marriage. The entire institution of it.
Hell, maybe it didn’t go that far. Maybe it was relationships. They might work for other people, but for her, they had always been another arena for failure to whip her ass. One she didn’t need right now.
She forced words past the strangled feeling in her throat, since Candace and Brian were probably waiting for her thoughts on the situation at hand. “I see. You’re not sparing yourself from them so much as you’re sparing them a coronary.”
Candace laughed. “Yeah, you could look at it like that.”
Maybe she’d also be a failure at being a parent. Maybe it would all overwhelm her, and not only would she fail at relationships and parenthood, but all of it combined would crush her to the point that she would be a failure at med school too.
God, she couldn’t breathe.
“Keep me informed,” she blurted, sliding off her seat. Her brother and his soon-to-be wife stared after her in confusion as she made her way to the door.
“Hey, are you all right?” Brian called.
“Fine. Call me.” And she let herself out into the sticky night, which was just as close and suffocating as the walls in that apartment had become.
She could run the f**k away right now. Right now, at this very moment, she was free. She could jump in her car, speed all the way to Dallas and get back to her life for as long as her pregnancy would allow. She could put any big decisions off until forced to make them.
Exhaustion lapped at her limbs as she trudged back to Ian’s apartment. She didn’t bother knocking, knowing he expected her anyway. He’d left it unlocked for her.
How was she going to face him now?
Ian knew something was wrong with Gabby as soon as she walked in. She moved as if there were weights in all her limbs…but as soon as her troubled green gaze found him sitting on the couch, she darted forward. He stood, the Rangers game forgotten as she all but threw herself into his chest.
“Gabby? What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know.”
He chuckled, stroking her hair. It was the answer he’d expected from her, but he knew better. “Baby.”
Sighing, she lifted her weary gaze to his. “I’m just… I leave next week, and the thought of everything I have to do and deal with…it’s getting to me. That’s all.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded, tracing a pattern on his shirt with one fingertip. “Hey.” He nudged her chin up with the crook of his finger. “I’m here for you. Do you need help with anything? Tell me if you do.”
“No, I’ve got it. It’s weird, though. I kept looking at moving back there as getting my life back…but I guess I’m realizing it’s an entirely new life now. Nothing is the same.”
“Understandable. But you’re tough. You’ll adjust.”
“I know.”
It was so blatantly obvious there was more than that troubling her. But it was also plain to him that trying to get it out of her at this point was useless. As wearily as she’d trudged in, she practically vibrated with tension.
“I feel like I’m going crazy,” she admitted, and he raised his eyebrows. “My emotions are, like, all over the damn place.” She stared searchingly into his eyes, that direct gaze stirring up some pretty hectic emotions in him too. She was leaving next week. He had a lot of hard decisions to make, and soon.
How would he cope when she wasn’t here? He hadn’t wanted to think about it much, had shoved the thought from his mind when it tried to invade. In such a short time, she’d made a substantial impact. It was more than the fact she carried his child. Even before he’d known about that, it had been tough to exorcise her from his thoughts.
“Kiss me?” she whispered, making it a request when she usually made demands. And he knew where this would go once he gave in. He was worn too ragged from holding off last night.
“If I do,” he murmured, leaning his forehead against hers, “I won’t want to stop. Are you okay with that?”
Her fingers slid around his neck. “I am.”