The Bairn of Brianag - Page 168/180

"Today is Robbie's birthday," said Cathy one morning as we went outside carrying our work baskets. "He is twenty-two."

I said, "Can it be June seventh, already?"

"Yes, and I thought he would be here at Brianag by now!" she said, settling into a chair. "Really, he should be more considerate. His presence would be most welcome, even if he is not able to help with the work."

I was surprised by the petulance in her voice, and looked at her. "Cathy, dear," I said, "do you feel ill?"

"I do feel ill," she said, "and I am angry with Robbie for neglecting us as he has done, even though he has been ill! Did he not say in his letter that he would be home in the spring? Is it not now nearly midsummer? And for him to have neglected you in this fashion, it is unconscionable, truly! He has not behaved as a husband should!"

"Cathy-"

"Oh, I know that I am wrong to say these things!" she said, and tears flowed down her cheeks. "I do not know Robbie's heart, but I do know my own, and I miss him desperately!"

I got to my feet and went to her, putting my arms around her neck, my cheek against hers, feeling her grief. My own throat swelled, but I did not weep. She reached up and took my hands.

"Forgive me, Jessie," she said; "he is your husband, and I imagine how lonely you must be."

I did not speak, but kissed her and returned to my chair. I could not bring myself to tell her that I felt sure that Robbie had truly put me away when he sent me home to Brianag, and would perhaps even divorce me; and that I was considering leaving Brianag and going back to Gillean after Midsummer. I could not yet bring myself to speak to my father of my thoughts. Robbie had said he would come to Brianag, in his letter. Surely, he would tell me if he intended to divorce me; surely he would tell the Randalls. I knew that I was holding onto false hope; yet I could not yet it give up.

We took a picnic down to the river and went out in the boats; even Cathy was persuaded to leave James in the care of his nurse and come with us. August and Kevin and Cathy and I caught fish and laughed and drank champagne, as we had done so many times before, and I remembered in particular the last time that all six of us, including Robbie and Sean, had come. I sighed with sadness and regret for our childhood, and I knew that Cathy and August were thinking of it, too.