But this was far more momentous than a hunting trip or overnight jaunt through the woods; this was my heart, and my virginity! I had thrown myself at him, indeed I had! But he had not shown any resistance to me. He had wanted me, he loved me; I knew that he did, I could feel it in my soul.
My resolve rose again as I lifted the nightdress from the soapy water and immersed it in the clean water in the next tub. I would win him. He could not stay away from me for long. Soon he would come to Gillean or I would go to Brianag and when he saw me he would remember our passion, and he would be mine. I wiped my tears on my apron and went to hang the linen on the clothesline in the sun.
I reprimanded myself as I went back toward the house, the skin of my hands crinkling as it dried. How stupid I had been to allow my mother to find the dirty nightgown; I knew how she watched me! I would be more careful in the future. I would be sure that I did not arouse her suspicions again before Robbie had asked my father for me. When he did, when he told my father of our love for each other, my father would agree that we should marry, and then all would be well. I would be free of my mother and would live in peace and contentment at Brianag.
I went to my room to rest before dinner. I was exhausted from the sleepless night; my arms were sore where Robbie had held them. I lay down upon my bed, covered with my shawl, and put my head upon the pillow. I remembered how Robbie's hands had caressed my body; how strong his arms were, how powerful his manhood, and the fire in my loins began to smolder again. I belonged to him. He must want me. He would love me.
Lily entered to help me dress for supper. I rose, and looked into the glass. There was a bright pink mark just below my left eye where my mother had struck me; I did my best to disguise it with powder. I rubbed pomade into my hands. Lily dressed my hair.
As the gong sounded, I was coming down the stairs.
I had no appetite, but managed to drink a little wine and take a bite of rice. Kevin and Papa discussed the morning's work; my mother waited for an opportunity and then said, "Jessamine and I shall travel to Town in two days time to shop for gowns," she said.