The din of music and conversation was so great that we had to shout to be heard. Even to stand in one place was impossible, as we were constantly jostled by other customers fighting their way to the bar or the toilets. Hot and uncomfortable, I was about to suggest we finish our drinks quickly and leave when a black man I had never seen before shoved himself between Tom and me, confidently put an arm around him and kissed him full on the lips. Tom pulled away, shook his head and said, 'This is not a good time.' The man looked round at me, then back at Tom who half nodded, and went off to the other end of the pub.
I turned to face Tom, waiting for an explanation.
'What can I say? You saw what you saw. It wasn't anything. Let it go, Mark, something made me go for it that one time, maybe I shouldn't have but I did. The thing was a one-off.'
'A handsome man. How long has this been going on?'
'There's nothing going on. That once, I admit to; let's say I made a mistake. He would have to turn up here. I sort of let myself fall for it the once, wasn't like we even spent a night together.'
'You expect me to believe that?'
'Because it's true. If something is true, you should believe it. Give me a chance.'
The intense rush of anger and jealousy made me want to march out of the pub without another word and go back alone to Chiswick, but to give way to this surge of emotion might damage our relationship permanently. Given a little time my feelings would moderate. Then, after thinking calmly, I would decide what to do. If this incident, and all the other trivial annoyances and disappointments of the past, outweighed my positive feelings, clearly the time had come to bring our affair to an end. We stood silently in the congested bar avoiding each other's eyes. A friend came over to chat, unaware or pretending to be unaware that anything was wrong.
When the pub closed we went back to Tom's flat and climbed into bed together, knowing the sex would be spoiled by my restrained anger and his guilt. For the rest of the weekend we were polite towards one another but far from happy, avoiding a row but not really wanting each other's company. At dinner on Sunday we tried to appear friendly to avoid embarrassing Andrew, and somehow maintaining the semblance of normality completely neutralised my feelings of resentment. The incident had confirmed my suspicions about Tom having casual encounters, but nothing important between us had changed.