Krista sat back in her chair. I was captured by a silver bracelet dangling from her wrist. She's worn it since, but it never hypnotized me like that afternoon. "I think there's more between Diane and your father than sex. It seems they're in love."
I fell into my chair.
"You mentioned justice. Where's the justice in continually expecting Shannie to be in love with you?"
"Huh?"
"Where's the justice in continually expecting Shannie to be in love with you?" she repeated.
"I never pressure Shannie - ever. I know she just wants to be friends. I give her what she wants. I'm just her friend."
"I'm not talking about you pressuring Shannie."
"You're confusing the shit out of me."
"I'm talking about you pressuring yourself. I'm talking about the cruelness of your own expectations. I talking about the cruelty of expecting her to wake one day a changed woman and suddenly be in love with you and beg you for marriage. Stop beating yourself up because Shannie isn't interested in being your lover." Shaping her hands into a megaphone Krista cried, "STOP THE MENTAL MASTURBATION! Shannie's choices are beyond your control."
"I guess," I mumbled.
"Hey, guess what?"
"What?"
"Times up. Now go wax on the day."
"Take on," I corrected her. "It's take on the day."
"Whatever," Krista shrugged. "I don't listen to radio shrinks."
During the days approaching my twenty-fifth birthday, I fell into a state as close to hibernation as humanly possible. Only in dreams could I sometimes escape despair. I mistook Shannie's voice echoing through my house as a dream. "James! Are you here?" Smiling, I listened as her footfalls. Ellie bounded down the stairs. "James?" Shannie called from the base of the steps. "You up there?"
In my dream I didn't answer.
"James!," Shannie's voice raced up the stairs.
My silence led her up the stairs and into my bedroom. From the corner of my eye I watched her undress and slip under my covers. I felt her softness upon my lips. Light rushed into my room crushing my fantasy.
"James," Shannie cried. I woke embracing my pillow. "Wake up," Shannie ordered from the doorway. Ellie jumped on the bed and licked my face.
"You have some nasty breath girlfriend." I pushed Ellie away.
"We have a problem." Shannie said.
"Yeah, the wrong blond is in my bed."