Oh shit, I thought, imagining her burning up the Lightman's phone line. Less than a minute later the phone rang. "Fuck you Just James! You really suck!" she slammed down her phone.
I retired to my perch, hoping to catch Diane in some state of undress, I had no idea a bigger problem awaited.
***
I should have known by Steve Lucas's behavior that something was up. He avoided me all day. I thought I was lucky - he wasn't annoying me. Spared from his aggravation, I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about Shannie. I planned on skipping football practice and meeting her after school to complete last minute details.
It was impossible to miss Shannie as I pranced down the front steps of the Junior High. Standing in the middle of the sidewalk, she stood on an island of personality. "Hey Bug," I said.
"We have a problem!" Shannie uttered.
"Marcy ditch us?" I asked. Shannie in her pervasive manner, talked Marcy into having Janice, a creative art's student, do the make-up for the pallbearers. Once Janice agreed, filling the remaining pallbearer spots was a snap. "Don't even think of it," Shannie told me when I wondered aloud about being so close to those breasts, "I'm doing your makeup."
"Worse!" Shannie replied.
"What could be worse than that?" I asked.
"Let's get out of here," Shannie led me towards Lucas's Funeral Parlor. "The Lucas's ran out of caskets."
"What?"
"You heard me," Shannie said. "According to Marcy, there's a casket crunch - their main supplier is on strike and with the accident on the Expressway last week, they've been left casketless. If they were a hotel, the no-vacancy light would be on."
"Here's the ticket," Marcy said in front of the funeral parlor. "We can still use a box; the catch is, we have to take the stiff out and put him back when we're done."
"Fuck that!" I cried. "We can use yours Shannie!"
I didn't like the look in Shannie's eyes.
"It's not a big deal," Marcy said. "Wait till dark and sneak the coffin out. When your done bring it back and slide the body back in. Nobody will ever know. No harm, no foul," she sounded like her brother.
"A change of plans," Shannie told Diane. "We can't get the coffin until six-thirty; have my court meet us at 6:45 in the parade's marshaling area. Count, James, and I have to meet Steve at the funeral home." Shannie then called Count and harangued him into borrowing the powder fairy blue pickup truck. "If you have any problems getting Bear to agree, let me know. I'll sweet talk him."