To Thine Own Self - Page 119/155

"He certainly retained his dignity."

Later, when Felipa was outside with the children and Carmen was cooking lunch, Alex wandered into the kitchen. He poured a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter sipping it. Obviously he had something on his mind.

"What did Rob tell you about me?" he finally asked.

Carmen looked at him and then shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"It does to me," he insisted.

Therefore, it mattered. She put a lid on the pan of potatoes and turned to him.

"He said I deserved better than you and I'd be better off without you." She shrugged. "But then, he also said I thought I was too good for him." She met his steady gaze. "Apparently Rob didn't think I'd been encouraging him."

He flinched as if he'd been hit, and she continued.

"As a matter of fact, he had the idea that I didn't much like him. Not that it matters, though. None of that stopped him." She hesitated. She had made her point. There was no point rubbing his nose in it.

His gaze wandered over her face and came back to her eyes. "What else?"

The rest she didn't want to repeat, but he knew there was more. His imagination would be worse than what Rob actually said. It was ludicrous anyway. She shrugged again.

"He said he'd show me what love-making should be like."

His gaze dropped reflectively to the coffee cup and he swirled the coffee around in it absently. Finally he looked up, searching her face.

"Was all that the truth?"

She turned back to the stove. "Well, I didn't much like him. That part was true."

He was silent a moment. "And the sex?"

Wasn't it like a man? He had been challenged in nearly every way, but the idea that he might not be the best lover troubled him the most. There was no point talking about what was right in their marriage right now. She spoke as she turned the potatoes.

"The first few days after you left, I cried all the time. I couldn't believe you actually left me - us. I didn't go to church because I was ashamed and didn't want anyone to know I ran you off. Then I pulled myself together. I had to - for the children. I tried to get over you and I succeeded to the point of being numb. I refused to think about you at all."

She replaced the lid and looked at him. He was watching her, his expression clearly shocked. When he finally spoke, is voice was strained.