To Thine Own Self - Page 147/155

She hadn't ever thought about it. Was that what drew her to Alex? From the day they met, he had been focused on what she wanted. When he discovered a horse ranch had been her dream, he made it come true. When she wanted children, he made that happen. He had considered her feelings about replacing Brutus and when she killed his horse, he had tried to console her by saying it was only a horse. He had honored her parents - more than he had honored his natural father. Not once had he ever said anything bad about her parents. Of course, he didn't know them, but their conversation right now indicated he harbored doubts. Alex had been attuned to her silent wants and needs because it was important to him. Even when he was upset with her, it was because he wanted more for her. Maybe his methods were wrong, but his heart was certainly in the right place. And yet, like an unruly child, she had rebelled, causing him endless worry and stress.

"No wonder you wanted a divorce," she finally said in a gush of air. "I've caused you so much stress - and at a time when I should have been supporting you."

He looked startled and then bewildered. "What?" he finally said. "I wasn't the one who wanted a divorce. You were."

She caught her breath. "No I didn't. You were the one who left."

He stood and walked over to her, staring down at her in dismay. He pointed to his office.

"Excuse me? We sat right up there in my office the day Morino died and you were the one who mentioned divorce, not me."

She stood and faced him. "Sure, I said the D word first, but I wasn't the one who said I wanted to get away from all the arguing. I didn't want you to think I was going to fight you on it and …"

"Do you mean to tell me you didn't want a divorce?" His eyes flashed.

She lifted her chin. "Of course not. You were the one who was so unhappy about everything."

He rubbed his jaw and eyed her reflectively for a few moments. Finally he ran a hand through his hair. "I guess I was, but I didn't want a divorce. I never thought about it until you said the word. Then I thought you wanted it. I could hardly blame you."

Carmen sank to her chair feeling lightheaded with relief. And yet … She lifted her face to find him standing over her, watching her with a concerned look on his face. She sighed.