"Alex, are you awake?"
"Yes."
He didn't move.
Carmen sat up and leaned her back against the headboard, drawing her knees up to her chest.
"Do you think you can ever forgive me?"
He turned the light on and rolled over to face her, resting on one elbow.
"For what?"
She made a face. "For killing Ed."
His gaze roved over her face. Finally he sighed.
"I forgive you for breaking your promise."
She studied his stoic features. "But not for killing Ed."
For a moment he was silent. Finally he lay on his back and stared at the ceiling.
"You didn't kill Ed."
No, she didn't. Maybe that was what was eating at him - that she let Ed suffer.
"I'm sorry he suffered like that."
He was silent for a moment and when he answered, his voice was controlled.
"So did you."
Maybe he wished someone had shot her. It reminded her of their conversation about Brutus. He said Ed was only a horse - and Brutus was only a dog. It wasn't like Alex to talk like that about animals. Maybe it was the way he accepted the loss - categorize and prioritize species. He was upset that she didn't do something about Brutus so that he didn't suffer. Maybe in a way he blamed her for letting Ed suffer as well. Of course, logically he knew there was nothing she could do about it. Then again, she had neglected Ed when she took him up a dangerous trail in bad weather. He said she had acted irresponsibly. Well, maybe she had.
She let out a long sigh. "I wish I could go back and change what I did, but I can't. I'm ashamed that I caused so much harm to everyone. I was only thinking about myself."
He turned his head and frowned at her. "That doesn't sound like you at all."
Did he think she had no conscience about what happened? She slid down to the bed and sighed again. "It's true though. I am ashamed of myself."
He smiled for the first time since the accident.
"I meant thinking only about yourself didn't sound like you."
He rolled over and put an arm around her waist, drawing her toward him gently. Slowly he bent his head and touched her lips with his in a soft caress.
She leaned into his kiss, instantly consumed by desire. "I love you," she whispered against his lips. "I never wanted to hurt you."