That wasn't too much of a lie, was it? I wasn't quite able to explain the truth-I wasn't even sure what the truth was. I wanted to tell her more, but I didn't know what to say. Certainly nothing that would make her feel any better. Lisette saw black and white, right and wrong, and all I had for her were shadows. I tried to reach into the strangeness and pull out the facts.
I said, "They're working on a-a trial of sorts, I guess. The doctor drew some blood. They're going to run some tests, see if I'm a good candidate."
I realized I didn't have the name of the drug or the procedure. So much for Google.
"Gosh, I hope that you are!" Lisette said. She never swore.
"So do I." The significance of it all came crashing down on me all of a sudden, and I struggled to breathe against the weight in my chest. I wished that my Gramma was there. I wished I could put my head in her lap like I was a little kid again and have her pet my hair until I felt better.
But Gramma was gone, and it was selfish of me to want her here, to see me lose everything she'd worked so hard to give me as the cancer took it all away.
I took a deep, shuddering breath, and Lisette's face creased in deeper concern.
I stifled a groan. She deserved to deal with my illness even less than I did.
Lisette glanced at the door, then back at me. "You up for Hannah's place?"
I recognized the offer for what it was-a distraction-and I seized upon it.
"What's the plan for tonight?" I asked.
"They snagged Mike's Playstation again and have Netflix hooked up to the flat screen. Movie marathon. 1980s high school classics. Everybody's supposed to wear leg warmers and frizzy hair, but I think most of us are just going to show up in pajamas."
Hannah and Sarah lived in an apartment just down the hall. They threw a movie marathon at least once a month, and it always lasted well into the next day.
"What's showing?" I asked.
"Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Risky Business."
I grinned. "Yeah, I think I'm up for that."
"Honestly?" Lisette lowered her voice in mock confidentiality. "I've only ever seen The Breakfast Club."
"Me, too," I said.
"Finish your dinner, and then we can go and party like it's 1985," Lisette said.
I groaned and pulled the foam container over to myself, popping the lid.
"Philly cheesesteak. You like it," Lisette said encouragingly.