I felt a pang of guilt. I'd gone on my first date with Geoff four days before I got my diagnosis. "Yeah. Sorry about that. I guess I kinda shut down for a while."
"I thought our date went well, myself," Geoff said.
"Oh, it did," I assured him. "I'm still a terrible bowler. But it was fun. It's just...with everything I had to deal with...."
We had reached The Dairy. Geoff grabbed the door and held it open for me as I went inside.
"Look, it wasn't you. It was just crappy timing. We weren't really dating yet, and I couldn't dump all this in your lap, and I felt like, if we kept going out, I'd be lying to you if I hid it." We joined the back of the line.
"So you thought it'd be better to ignore me," he said. "Instead of letting me decide what I could handle. It wasn't like we'd just met. I'd known you for three years. I considered you a friend. I still consider you a friend."
He had a point. "I consider you a friend, too. I didn't want you to think that I was trying to make you be something more, throwing it all on you after one date."
"It still wasn't your decision," he said. "At least, it wasn't only your decision."
By then, we'd made it to the register. I made my order, and so did Geoff. He added my food to his tray and led the way to a table in the corner of the dining area, and I took the chair across from him, dropping my bag under my chair. I tried not to show how grateful I was to give my tired legs a break. He set my sandwich and drink in front of me.
"Thanks," I said.
Geoff leaned forward. "You know, I was beginning to wonder if I really was that bad of a kisser."
I felt the heat rise in my face, and I fiddled with my sandwich to cover it. "Not at all," I said. It was my turn to feel awkward. "It was nice."
At the end of our date, he had dropped me off at my apartment door. The hall lights had been turned to their nighttime setting, only half the fluorescent tubes on so as not to glare into the apartments when someone opened a door. I was leaning against the door. The corridor emptied for a moment as we talked, and he stepped up, so quickly that it caught my breath, and cupped the back of my head in his hand.
"I've been wanting to do this for a long time," he had said, and then his mouth came down over mine, and I had tipped my face up to meet him. His mouth was hot, hard and soft at once, and a warm deliciousness unspiraled inside me. Clutching his shirt, I opened my lips under his.