I want him, and I know he wants me. He's saying no, but his body is indicating the opposite. His erection is long and thick, and it shows no signs of abating as the minutes pass. I don't know how long I've been lying beneath him.
"You did help me," he says finally. "Thank you."
"Whatever it takes. If you need me …" I clear my throat. "I didn't quite mean it that way, unless …" Shit. I totally meant it that way.
"I have too much respect for you and your brothers, Katya," he replies. "Though I'm glad to see I was right. There's a very sweet side to you."
"It's hard to hate you when I know you're broken like Petr," I say. Minutes before, he was in my arms, shaking from the power of nightmares.
His breath hitches, as if he's surprised. I'm not sure why. He is human. He has to know he's got issues.
"I didn't know you were hurting, too," I continue. "If I can help you, ask me now. I'm going to go back to hating you in the morning." I mean it as a joke to lighten up the tension, but it's kind of true. Now that I've sampled what he's got, I feel the need to run far, far away, because a man like this isn't the kind of person you walk away from.
"That's probably a good idea," he agrees with a husky chuckle that makes me shiver. "It's easier when you're pissed at me."
Easier? I'm not sure what he's saying. A few times, we've come close to something only to backpedal. The sense that this … thing between us is more than opportunistic lust returns. I assumed the attraction was one way, given how terse he normally is around me.
He releases one of my wrists and brushes the back of his fingers against one cheek. I'm embarrassed by my tears and wipe them away quickly.
"You're hurting, aren't you? I upset you?" he whispers, his tone gentle.
"I haven't stopped since you brought Mikael back in a coffin," I reply hoarsely.
"You are terrible at taking care of yourself, even if you are great at helping others."
I have no comeback for the too accurate observation.
"You can help me. Let me hold you."
"Shouldn't I be holding you?" I ask, confused.
"I know I've caused you so much pain. I live with that reality daily. It will help me to bring you a little comfort, Katya."
More tears squeeze from my eyes at his tender words, and my throat grows too tight to speak. I never thought I'd hear such a sentiment from a man like him. Or anyone, for that matter.