"But you're worried I'll flip again and change my mind," I guess.
"I don't think it's possible for either of us to walk away after last night."
"No," I agree softly.
"I want there to be nothing between us. I want to know what scared you, so I can help protect you from it. I want … us, Claudia, and everything that entails."
My eyes water at the words. With mixed feelings, I debate what to say. I fear discussing the past only because of all the horrible memories and emotions it contains. "Okay," I whisper hoarsely. "And then you're making love to me again to cheer me up."
"As many times as it takes," he replies and squeezes me.
I lean forward to grab a piece of toast and nibble on it. "I met Jake when I was eighteen. He was everything a girl that age dreams of: smart, sexy, and charming. I was naïve and gullible and totally enamored by him. I fell hard, and I didn't know how unhealthy our relationship was for about a year. He slowly curbed what I did, where I went, who I spoke to. Who I looked at. He would fly into jealous rages at the drop of a hat then apologize profusely later. I learned the best way to keep him happy was to do what he wanted.
"I stopped seeing my friends, stopped going to college and talking to my mom. I became really lonely, and whenever I confronted him, he grew increasingly upset until the day he hit me for asking if I could go to my brother's elementary school graduation. He told me if I didn't behave, he'd take it out on Todd next time. I thought love meant I needed to sacrifice, but I couldn't deal with the fact he hit me. At that point, two years in, I realized there was an issue but not how to get out. I couldn't talk to anyone, and he went through my computer every day so I couldn't google how to get help. I was afraid to leave the house …" I stop, eyes blurring as I recall the horror of my life at that point.
Petr kisses my temple and whispers something I don't catch, because I'm too deep in the memories.
"Anyway, things got worse. One day, after he'd hurt me more than usual, I just left and went to the police. They took a report, told me I needed to get help - and spoke to him. That's it. Told him I talked to them. That did not go over so well. I couldn't walk for a couple of days after that round. I'd always had a love-hate relationship with my mom, but she knew something was up. She slipped me a note during one of my supervised visits where Jake was with us. The next time we met, I gave her a note telling her what was going on.