Katya and I sit in the warm study where Baba spends a lot of his time either reading or managing business affairs. I'm nervous, but I don't exactly know why. Sawyer is present, seated away from the three of us, listening quietly.
The four days with Claudia hit me like a shotgun blast. Not that I didn't think she'd be the most incredible gift I'd ever be humbled enough to receive, but because she was so much more. It's left me rattled, a little worried I'm missing something crucial without my mind in the right gear, and generally overwhelmed.
Four days, and I can't stand the idea of so much as a weekend apart. Four days, and I'm questioning my sanity, because the emotions are far too intense when it comes to her. I prefer to act, not feel but I'm at a standstill. I thought her walls disappearing between us would make this easier, that sleeping with her would soothe the fire inside me instead of stoking it even higher.
My expectations and the reality are so different, I can't quite fathom how to handle it. Unable to think straight, I do what I always have: I turn to my family. If Mikael were here, I'd be sitting with him.
Katya is smiling. "How long have you know her?" she asks.
"Almost two months."
From the wicked spark in her eye, I know she's dying to say something I probably don't want to hear.
"I knew your mother three weeks," Baba reminds me.
"Technically you kidnapped her," I point out, familiar with the story of how my wealthy heiress of a mother fell into the presence of a rough-and-tumble KGB officer in Russia.
"Your mother exaggerated the story. She forced me to marry her. I was ready to let her go."
I laugh, and Katya rolls her eyes. Our mother had a temper worse than Katya's, and I suspect Baba is right about the story growing over time.
"She's not a bitch, but that's about all I know," Katya says somewhat reluctantly. It's a lot coming from her, and I understand I'll never receive a rave recommendation from my territorial sister about any woman I'm serious about.
"Your judgment is always spot on about people, Petr," Sawyer, the voice of reason, says from his spot observing. "What does your gut say?"
All of them are quiet, watching me. "That's the issue. All I have is my gut telling me to pull a Baba and kidnap her," I joke.
"It is not kidnapping if you end up married," Baba replies defensively.
"Shouldn't there be something else?" I press. "A little voice that tells me to think it over, to consider this, that and the other? I was with Brianna off and on for years, and I never got the green light from my gut."