Hugging myself, I continue, afraid of joining the crowds. I'm not that brave yet, despite the knowledge that we can stay here, if we want to. Todd and I can go home or move somewhere else or … whatever we want.
It's over.
I want to scream out of emotion and instead, grow a little intimidated when I peer into yet another room with two clumps of people. Six are gathered around a hearth, laughing and talking, including Petr.
My heart nearly leaps out of my chest at the sight of him. He's surrounded by men who look a lot like him: military haircuts and muscular frames. He's smiling and happy, his features glowing as he seems to be engaged in some sort of animated story that has his friends in stitches.
Petr has a life filled with all kinds of people. Todd may have been joking about insecurity, but a flicker of it slides through me. Who am I, a newcomer who blows him off, to the people he's known all his life? To old girlfriends from college or the sons and daughters of other wealthy people?
I don't like the self-doubt. It's not normal for me. I also must acknowledge the prospect that I've pushed him away often enough that he may no longer be interested in me, now that I have the ability to give him the time of day.
I almost laugh at myself. The irony of my situation isn't lost on me, nor is the guilt at knowing I might've lost him because I was too afraid to take a chance before.
He doesn't notice me. Catching myself staring, I continue on towards the kitchen and arrive to discover the food tables start in the hallway outside the massive cooking space. The adjacent sunroom is packed with tables laden with food as well, and I wade through the delicious treats and entrees towards the scene behind the house.
There are bonfires everywhere on the veranda, large fire pits blaze with flames taller than I am. They're surrounded by sitting areas. Beyond the space, a path running along the property line is lit by bright Christmas lights.
Their backyard has been converted into a winter wonderland. There's a snow maze at the center, hayrides going around the property, an ice skating rink, and a cocoa station at the foot of the stairs of the veranda. People are everywhere, though not as many as attended the Thanksgiving feast.
I laugh. For once, I don't care if everyone around me thinks I'm crazy, but I've never seen anything so spectacular or beautiful in my life.
"Claudia!" I turn at Anton's gruff voice. He has a cup of strong smelling cinnamon-apple cider in hand. "I am pleased you came."