"Where do you hear all that term? Don't tell me; Mary Ellen. I would have used a more tasteful description, but yes, that's right. That problem can be corrected if you watch the television commercials."
"Generally, people don't discuss their sex lives as adults. Kids do, but mostly they're bragging or down right lying. Making love is a very private part of married life."
Instead of asking another question, she withdrew a small piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to me. The paper read, Did you do it when you were single? I set the paper on the table but she made a grab for it. "Tear it up!" she said. "I die if Dad knew I'd asked you that!"
I complied with her request, ripping the note into tiny pieces. "He'd die if he heard half of what we talk about. Your father wouldn't even ask me that question."
"So you're not going to answer."
"I didn't say that. I just don't want to convey the wrong idea with a simple response so I have to be very clear in my mind. Yes, I slept with men before your father. Two, to be exact."
"I can't believe you'd answer that question."
I spoke softly. "I promised you, Karen."
"How did it happen? Were you going to marry them?"
I smiled. "No. Neither one was a serious relationship and I was in my thirties at the time."
"Why did you let them do it?"
I knew I'd ventured too far but I continued. "One man was younger than I. We were in college. He was a few years out of high school, and I had returned to school studying to become a teacher. We were only together a few times. The other man was a much older gentleman who was as lonely as I when I lived in Alaska. Once again, I only slept with him a very few times. Mostly we just enjoyed each other's company socially."
"How can you do that with someone you don't love? I mean, get naked and let them see you and all that stuff."
I shrugged. "Personally, I'm not proud of my actions but a lot of people would consider what I did perfectly natural; more natural than my years of abstinence."
"Did you have sex before? Before you were married the first time?"
I fidgeted. "I'm not going to answer that, at least not now. Don't get me wrong. I will; just not at the moment. I'm not copping out. I just have to think it through. It's complicated and painful. Give me time so I don't screw up the answer; that's all I ask, okay?"