"No, I won't hide behind privacy," I answered, "and the answer is no. I never cheated on Doug. Not once in all our years of marriage."
"Then why did you hesitate before you answered?"
I rose from the chair and began to pace the room. Because Doug cheated on me." I looked at her. "I shouldn't be telling you this, Karen. I've never told a soul. I hope you understand, that. I have no business burdening a sweet little girl like you with the sordid details of my personal life. God, you're only twelve years old! I don't know what I'm thinking of! I'm sorry."
She spoke softly. "It's because we promised to be honest with each other and I asked you."
I hugged her. "Because we're best friends and trust each other." I looked her in the eye, "Because neither of us has had anyone else to really talk to, about secret, personal things, for a long, long time."
She thought about that. "Yes. And it feels good, doesn't it?"
I smiled and nodded in agreement.
"Why didn't you tell Daddy Doug messed around?"
"If he'd asked I wouldn't have lied to him, but we have an understanding not to discuss your mother or Doug, at least in any detail. That was another life for both of us. We have this life and we're both very, very happy with it."
"Why didn't you divorce Doug?"
"I don't know. Chicken, I guess. I was always kidding myself that it would stop. It was easier putting up with it than the frightening prospect of being alone."
"You ended up alone anyway. What did he say when you told him you knew?"
I sighed. "I never confronted him." I turned toward her, "See? We're all cowardly, and inconsiderate and wrong at times. That doesn't make us truly bad, just weak." I gave her a major hug. "God, do I love you Karen."
She pulled back slightly. "Doesn't it make you angry that I won't say it; that I love you?"
"No. Yes, I'd be ecstatic if you said it and meant it, but as I've told you a thousand times, I still love you."
"I really like you, Sarah." It was the first time she'd ever said that and I had to turn away.
"Thank you, Karen; for saying it."
"If you ever left, I don't know what I'd do."
"Is that why you say you'll never love me? Are you afraid I'll leave you? I never will. I promise."
"I just . . . don't. I don't know why."
"Honesty, remember?"
She began to cry anew. "I don't want to answer that!"
I put my arms around her. "I'm sorry, Hon, I won't make you answer."