"Who was he?" She sensed I didn't want to answer. "Honesty," she said. "I'm invoking the honesty clause. You have to answer."
In spite of my every effort, I began to cry. It totally shocked Karen, and I was heart-sick to once again burden her with my deep feelings. I tried to sniff it back and I rummaged for some tissues.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"No, Karen. It's me. I want to tell you. It's just difficult." I proceeded to relate some, but not all of it.
"I was very upset about something at home. I went out alone for a walk. It started to rain, really hard and a car stopped. It was Brian; I don't even remember his last name. I got in his car; something I wasn't supposed to do, but I was so upset I didn't care."
"You didn't like this Brian guy?"
"He was a total jerk, and any other time I wouldn't have looked at him much less gone anywhere. He bragged to everyone how he'd had sex with half the school which was mostly lies. He started to kiss me and grab me and I didn't do a thing to stop him. I didn't even stop him when he started to pull up my skirt. After he finished, he dropped me off at my house. I never said a word to him. No one at the house even knew I'd left." Karen began to cry. I felt like a shit for dumping on her and told her so.
"I'm glad you told me, Sarah. I really am."
"I don't want you to be as stupid as I was. I was sick in my head that night. I never would have done something that stupid otherwise. I didn't let another man touch me for four years and he was my husband. No one's first sexual experience should be like that. It's far too beautiful a thing to waste and it only happens once."
"Did that Brian jerk tell everyone?"
I smiled. "No. Someday I'll tell you why, just not yet."
"Will you tell me why you were so upset to make you do that?"
"Maybe. Maybe we'll both be able to tell our deepest secrets."
While part of me felt cleansed in the telling, the rest of me felt like shit for dumping more of my sins on this girl I loved so much.
On Friday, the day before our return, the campground ran a children's program in the afternoon and Paul and I found ourselves alone once more. We shared a couple of beers from our cooler.
"Too bad I'm cut off for penance," he said. "This is a very romantic site."