"What about the next time?"
"I don't have all the answers, Paul. I do know we have to establish guidelines and speak with one voice."
"I agree." He rolled over on his back. "I messed this up badly. Please, set up some rules and punishments, if necessary. You were right in trying to stop me tonight. We should have discussed it together before I acted like a mad man."
"You're leaving rules and punishment up to me?" I asked incredulously.
He thought a moment. "Totally. That's how much I trust you, and don't trust myself. I know you'd be fair and let's face it; you're with the children far more than I am. I won't undermine you."
Part of me was relieved while part was angry for his abdication of responsibility.
"Okay, I'll take it on. But no hitting. No spanking. No belts. Ever. What you did tonight scared Timmy half to death. It scared me too. I'm not sure it was even effective. I pulled him close. "We'll get through this bump together. I'll convince our daughter how much you love her." Then I made love to Paul, mostly because he needed it so badly.
The next morning Karen was subdued and nervous, but she reluctantly joined the family for breakfast. Paul left early for a one-nighter in Baltimore, first having a quiet word with his daughter that seemed to help. I didn't hear what was said but she let him kiss her good-bye. Karen was so adept at covering her emotions; I couldn't read her true feelings. When he was gone, I took her by the hand.
"I'm sorry about what happened night, Hon, but you know it has nothing to do with how very much we love you."
"I guess," she said in a sulky voice. "You keep saying it anyway."
I ignored her petulance. "You frightened us by what you did, especially your father. Now you know why he was so upset and did what he did. He's really sorry about that."
"Why? I deserved it."
Her reaction startled me. I'd expected her to vent animosity against her father. I let her comment pass. "Didn't you consider your actions before you went to that place?"
"No. I didn't think you'd find out."
"Karen, that doesn't make it right. It was a serious violation of trust."
I hugged her before she ran off to school. I was miserable in the knowledge of how little I'd taught her of right and wrong. I'd said the words, but with minimal effect. I had little time to anguish over my short comings before getting Timmy off to school.
I found him still huddled in his bed, long past his time to be teeth-brushed, dressed and breakfasted.