"I'm not going anywhere, Doctor. They'd have to rip out my arms and fingers to drag me away from this family."
"Karen doesn't give her love easily. She's highly selective."
"I don't disagree, but when she gets older she may be a long time finding a husband."
The doctor laughed. "No, when that time comes the hormones enter the picture and clear thinking goes out the window."
"What do I do in the mean time?"
"Just be yourself and be careful what you say. Consider your words carefully. I notice occasionally you can be a tad outspoken." He smiled.
"Moi?" I said in mock amazement.
"Remember what Karen wants. She wants to be exactly like you."
"That's not what I want for her! I want her to like me, love me, call me Mom but I don't want her to turn into me! God, she's a perfect, brilliant, kind and caring, beautiful person! Why would she want to be like me? I'm a bitchie, foulmouthed, horny nag without half the brains or personality of that angel! I can't hold a candle to her in any category! Sure, I can try and teach her a few things about life I've learned the hard way, but I'd die before I'd want to change her into me!" The bastard of a doctor actually laughed. I felt like leaping over the table and ripping his heart out. He knew how pissed I was and quickly apologized.
"Both of you need a little work on your self-esteem. Please, let me explain. You're doing a wonderful job raising Karen. I couldn't think of a healthier environment for her. She dotes on everything you do or say. Just a word of caution; your so-called honesty pact perhaps requires a little tempering."
"What do you mean?"
Most parents wouldn't be quite as candid as I surmise you've been with young Karen."
"Do you want me to lie to her?"
"Heavens, no! That would be a recipe for disaster. I'm cautioning you to use good judgment."
"You think I haven't? I'd like to think our honesty pact was what put Karen on the right track in the first place. Dah! Like her mother's suicide!"
"I'm not being critical, Sarah Jeanne, certainly not of your goals or intents. I'm just cautioning you."
White rabbits, black rabbits and grey rabbits. At least today I got my money's worth, even if I remained Sarah Jeanne to the old goat.
I'd glossed over my moodiness with Dr. Mason but, in truth, I felt much better. My dreams were less frequent, and often I couldn't remember them after I awoke. I credited my improvement to the passage of time and the joy of my family far more than the ministrations of my employed psychologist. I considered discontinuing my weekly visits but it was unclear how that decision would affect Karen's attendance which I felt strongly remained necessary. The doctor's insight into Karen's behavior was more than enough for me to continue.