"You're not just kidding," Suzie said, holding her head.
I knew Suzie wanted me to excuse Karen so we could talk but I knew my daughter wanted desperately to stay.
"Hon, I love you," Suzie said. "But you really shouldn't be here. This is grownup stuff we need to discuss."
"But I want to hear!"
"I know you do," I said "and I want you to stay." I hugged my daughter. "Karen, you have to promise with all your heart to just listen. This is so very important."
"Don't try to understand what's said. I don't want you to misinterpret," Suzie said. "We're not sure ourselves."
Karen nodded and moved to the far corner of the room, next to Ben who remained totally bewildered by the situation.
"What are you going to do?" my sister asked me, almost pleading.
"I don't know! I haven't had time to think!"
"Sarah! You know what the doctor told you and that was twenty years ago!"
"That was when I wanted a baby and couldn't have one!"
"You're over forty, Sarah. That alone can be a problem."
I was shocked. "Suzie, you're not saying I should. . ."
"Sarah, it's not illegal now. . ."
"You can't kill it!" Karen, said from across the room.
"No, no," I answered. "None of us believe in that!"
"I'm not telling you what to do," Suzie said, "but please, consider everything. Think this through. Think of the consequences. You have a family and responsibilities to them."
The look on Karen's face was sheer panic. "Are you going to die?"
Suzie was quick to console her. "No, Karen. Of course not."
"Promise me you won't die!" Karen wailed.
I went to her and put my arms around her. "Karen honey, I have no intention of dying. I'm having far too much fun, and I love you all too much."
"Promise me. . ."
"I swore I'd never lie to you and I won't. I can't promise something I have control over. I promise you I'll do anything and everything I can because I don't want to leave you. You know that."
Karen crawled to my lap. "I don't want you to die."
"Honey, I don't either and I truly believe I'll be fine."
"The baby won't die either?"
"Not by my decision," I answered.
Suzie sighed at my answer. "Karen, this is very serious conversation. This stuff is life changing."
"But Daddy . . . you don't know what he'll say!"
"No, I don't know. It will be a shock to him too."
"Don't tell him!" I looked at her quizzically. She bit her lip. "Until later, when you're showing."
"Karen you don't mean that."
"You can't tell him now; until he gets home."