Then, the darkness found me, and that is when I met Doctor Browne.
My chest shudders as I take a deep breath.
I look down at my tablet's screen and realise it is inevitable for Hannah's dad to die because equally I could not play a game where someone is happy. Inadvertently, I wanted the girl in my game to also feel that same constant pain in her chest, to see the images in her head of things and memories. Things that could have been. Only remembering things from yesterday, while never being able to see tomorrow.
Shayne gave me a glimpse of the life I could have had. With Shayne, I could see every day for the rest of my life, but he erased them all the day he left.
Besides, it is only a game. Sophia often tells me how she sets some of the people in her game on fire when they irritate her.
At her dad's funeral, Hannah heard a lot of sobbing and noses being blown. Somewhere at the back a baby was crying incessantly, but it seemed fitting and did not bother Hannah in the least bit.
After the ceremony, outside the church, her mum kept releasing a long sigh after each long sigh, mumbling to herself. "I wish this was over."
Sheila, who was standing next to her mum, kept encouraging her by saying, "There, there Charmaine. You need to be strong."
Although her mum was dressed in black and she was not wearing any make-up, Hannah still thought she looked beautiful. Sadness made her look more fragile and brittle.
At the graveyard, Hannah gazed at her dad's coffin one final time as it was lowered into the cold dark ground, finding it hard to believe he was really inside of it.
Hannah softly mumbled, "Goodbye." As the word whispered over her lips and drifted off on the cold wind, she knew that one word is the saddest word she will ever know. Never again will her dad hold her close or smile at her lovingly. He was forever gone.
At the end of the funeral, the mourners walked past Hannah and her mum. Some stopped to hug her mum and others touched her hand, murmuring their condolences. Most of them seemed to only linger briefly, as if tragedy were a contagious disease.
When everybody was gone, her mum rushed to the car. It was as if she could not get away from the sadness fast enough.
Once they were back at the trailer, her mum stripped the black dress off and threw it in the dustbin.
Hannah looked at her baffled, and her mum said offhandedly, "I do not intend to mourn for weeks. Sadness does not bring back the dead." She walked past Hannah to her room at the back of the trailer. "I am off to bed. I have an early shift at the diner tomorrow."