After telling Tasha about how happy Jacob made me feel, his family business, the fact that he was a very affluent white man, and how we met and continued to communicate for the past month, I felt better. In Tasha, I had an outlet. She didn't judge me. I knew eventually she would give me her thoughts on the situation and keep it real with me. But for the moment, she simply listened. After our third or fourth drink from the bar, she blurted out, "Is he at least fine?"
My eyes glazed over thinking about how sexy Jacob was. I could feel remnants of his touch as I remembered every inch of him. "Yes Lawd, he is fine! So fine, he makes this sister speak in tongues," I laughed. I was never the type to fall so hard, so fast. It was unusual for me to be in love with a man I had only known for such a short time.
Tasha shook her head. She knew I was gone. "Girl, I think you're going to need more than that intervention. We may have to do an exorcism or something."
"Whatever," I said, thinking Tasha really was crazy.
"Destiny, you should have told me about him as soon as you met him. I could have been checking him out to make sure he's on the up and up."
"I know, but I didn't want to start a new relationship playing games. I wanted to be able to trust my man."
"That's all fine and well, but the truth shall set you free. Just like tonight, you have no clue as to what he is doing or who he is doing it with, while you are sitting here inside your feelings."
"You're right," I admitted.
"I just don't want you to get caught up with this guy," Tasha said, seriously.
"I don't either. I have so much going for myself right now. The last thing I need is to be drawn back into a relationship where I'm doing the most. Being head over heels for a man that puts his work, and whatever else, before me and my kids is like going back to Montie."
"Yes, you need to stay grounded. The last time we talked, you said you rededicated yourself to the church. Use your faith to keep you grounded."
"Yeah," I said, sitting frozen, wanting to be able to say my infatuation with Jacob had not altered my spiritual walk. I wanted to say I had grown in the church. Aside from the one sin of fantasizing about falling into his bed at the drop of a hat, I had been walking the straight and narrow. I wanted to say a lot of things but I couldn't, because they simply were not true. I spent the past four Sunday mornings lying in bed, being seduced by his voice over the phone. He'd offered to fly me to Florida on his private jet, but I managed to keep the distance between us, afraid of falling deeper in love with him.