After studying his profile, I said, “I can tell you have some Native American in you.”
“Seriously?”
I nodded. Reaching out, I ran my thumb across one of his cheekbones. “These are high, which is one of the characteristic traits.”
“Is that so?” he questioned in a low voice.
“Yes.” Breaking his stare, I gazed down his body. “Of course, your height certainly departs from the similarities.”
When my eyes lingered on his body, Rev cleared his throat almost painfully. “Come on. We’re almost there.”
Unable to speak, I merely nodded and followed him. I silently berated myself for staring at his body like I had. What was I thinking? What had he thought I was thinking? Once again, I was totally clueless on how to think and act in this new life I found myself in.
After reaching a tight thicket of trees, we pushed on through to step out into a wide clearing. Waist-high green grass swayed back and forth like ocean waves. It ran almost as far as the eye could see until it ended at the banks of a stream.
“They called this place tohi a-ma.”
“What does it mean?”
“‘Healing waters.’”
Shielding my eyes with my hand, I took in the landscape before me. “It’s beautiful.”
“Wait until you see it up close.” Once again, Rev offered me his hand, and I gladly accepted his touch. We then started wading through the tall grass to get to the water’s edge. A gentle breeze rippled our clothes, making the heat a little less oppressive.
Closer to the shore, I could see that the water lapping against the bank was so crystal clear you could see through to the bottom. “In the Cherokee language, the word tohi is the word for ‘peace.’ They believed that bathing or swimming in these waters helped to cure illnesses of the body and the mind. It was a way to purify themselves.”
“They seriously thought just a dip in the water could cure something?” I asked skeptically.
“Yes, they did.”
“Hmm, seems a little far-fetched to me.”
“Maybe I can make a believer out of you.”
My brows rose in surprise. “You mean you’ve been in there?” I asked, motioning to the water.
“Would you be surprised if I said yes?”
“Most definitely.”
“When I was kid, my brothers and I explored almost every inch of these woods. But in all those years, we never came across this place. It wasn’t until I was raped and my father brought me out here that I discovered it existed.”
“Did he think it would help you to come here?”
Rev nodded. “At first, I thought he was crazy. Like I was going to go submerge myself in some allegedly blessed water. But then he surprised the hell out of me by stripping down to his boxers and wading in. I just stood there, staring at him. And then he glanced at me over his shoulder. ‘You think this is all for you, boy?’ he questioned. He dipped his hands into the water and brought them back up to the surface. ‘I’m here for me, too. To wash my hands clean of the vengeance I took.’”
He glanced from the water back to me. “I think after he joined back up with the Raiders, he came out here a lot. It was his way of atoning for his sins. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but it still didn’t stop him. He became more about act first and ask forgiveness later.”
“So then you followed him into the water?”
“Yeah, I sure as hell did. I figured if my old man believed in the shit, then I might as well try it.”
“How did it feel?”
A slight blush tinged his high cheekbones. “It’ll sound a little crazy.”
“No, I’m sure it won’t.” He remained quiet, shifting on his feet. “Please,” I implored.
He drew in a ragged breath and then exhaled in a long sigh. With a slight shake of his head, he replied, “It was strange, like I was being anointed with liquid peace from the top of my head down to my feet. And when I finally walked out onto the shore, it felt like all the pain and all the suffering I had been dragging around was being washed away from me.”
My breath caught in my chest. Suddenly the very hokey myth seemed believable. More than anything in the world, I wanted to experience what Rev had. I wanted to be able to bury what had happened to me and to move forward. To be able to experience life as a survivor, not as a victim. Could it all be so easy as taking a dip in alleged healing waters? Regardless of how crazy it sounded, I wanted to believe it.
Misjudging my silence, Rev ducked his head and jammed his hands into his jeans pockets. “I’m sorry. . . I thought this might be something that would make you feel better.”
I couldn’t respond. In truth, I didn’t even know how to begin to respond. Here was a man who was trying in every single way possible to help me find peace and healing. A man who had connected with me because he had been through his own hell. A week ago, he would’ve been a stranger to me, and now I couldn’t imagine a world for myself where he wasn’t a part of it.
When I finally found the strength to look up at him, I knew deep within me that in some way everything was forever changed between us. Deep down, I imagined I could fall in love with Rev Malloy with all of my heart and soul, regardless of the length of time that had passed or the circumstances that had brought us together. That revelation caused tears to well in my eyes.
Rev’s eyes widened. “Oh shit. I’ve really fucked up, haven’t I?”
I shook my head vigorously and hurried to tell him, “No, no. You’ve done everything right. I swear.”