"Are you really sure, Godfrey, that you are so fond of me as that?"
"Sure! You know what I was, Rachel. Let me tell you what I am. I have
lost every interest in life, but my interest in you. A transformation
has come over me which I can't account for, myself. Would you believe
it? My charitable business is an unendurable nuisance to me; and when I
see a Ladies' Committee now, I wish myself at the uttermost ends of the
earth!"
If the annals of apostasy offer anything comparable to such a
declaration as that, I can only say that the case in point is
not producible from the stores of my reading. I thought of the
Mothers'-Small-Clothes. I thought of the Sunday-Sweetheart-Supervision.
I thought of the other Societies, too numerous to mention, all built
up on this man as on a tower of strength. I thought of the struggling
Female Boards, who, so to speak, drew the breath of their business-life
through the nostrils of Mr. Godfrey--of that same Mr. Godfrey who had
just reviled our good work as a "nuisance"--and just declared that he
wished he was at the uttermost ends of the earth when he found himself
in our company! My young female friends will feel encouraged to
persevere, when I mention that it tried even My discipline before I
could devour my own righteous indignation in silence. At the same time,
it is only justice to myself to add, that I didn't lose a syllable of
the conversation. Rachel was the next to speak.
"You have made your confession," she said. "I wonder whether it would
cure you of your unhappy attachment to me, if I made mine?"
He started. I confess I started too. He thought, and I thought, that she
was about to divulge the mystery of the Moonstone.
"Would you think, to look at me," she went on, "that I am the
wretchedest girl living? It's true, Godfrey. What greater wretchedness
can there be than to live degraded in your own estimation? That is my
life now."
"My dear Rachel! it's impossible you can have any reason to speak of
yourself in that way!"
"How do you know I have no reason?"
"Can you ask me the question! I know it, because I know you. Your
silence, dearest, has never lowered you in the estimation of your true
friends. The disappearance of your precious birthday gift may seem
strange; your unexplained connection with that event may seem stranger
still."
"Are you speaking of the Moonstone, Godfrey----"
"I certainly thought that you referred----"
"I referred to nothing of the sort. I can hear of the loss of the
Moonstone, let who will speak of it, without feeling degraded in my own
estimation. If the story of the Diamond ever comes to light, it will be
known that I accepted a dreadful responsibility; it will be known that I
involved myself in the keeping of a miserable secret--but it will be
as clear as the sun at noon-day that I did nothing mean! You have
misunderstood me, Godfrey. It's my fault for not speaking more plainly.
Cost me what it may, I will be plainer now. Suppose you were not in love
with me? Suppose you were in love with some other woman?"