Be strong? His slowed pacing came to a halt. “Strong about what?”
“I didn’t wanna say anything because I was hoping it was nothing, and I didn’t wanna scare you for no reason. I know how important it is for you to focus right now.”
Felix’s feet were glued to the floor now. He was frozen in the middle of the room. If he was scared before, he was terrified now. It was becoming clear he’d been way off, but what she was saying now sounded so much worse.
“A few weeks ago I noticed a small lump in my breast. I made an appointment to have it checked. They found a small tumor and set up a biopsy. It’s why I took the day off the other day, but I still didn’t know, so I didn’t wanna say anything. They told me to come back today and they’d have the results in . . .” Her voice broke even more, and she sounded hysterical like she could barely catch her breath. Felix was having trouble breathing himself. “It’s malignant, Felix. I have breast cancer. I’m so scared!” She took a long trembling breath. “I can’t tell my dad. He’s doing so well with his therapy.”
The buzzing in Felix’s ear was so loud he could barely hear himself talk. “Shhh,” Felix said in an attempt to calm her and himself, feeling everything inside him go completely numb. “Don’t be scared, baby. It’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna be here for you.” She’d asked him to be strong, and he was going to, damn it, even though he felt ready to fall apart. The aunt he’d told her about being diagnosed not long ago had gone fast. As the tears blurred his eyes, he swallowed the lump building fast in his throat and continued. “Where are you?”
“I’m at Carmen’s.” She sniffled. “She’s the only one who knows. As soon as I can pull it together, I’ll be heading home. I already told Nellie I won’t be making it in today.”
“Don’t worry about work. They’ll figure things out here. Listen,” he said, wiping away the tears that streamed down his face. “I’m gonna shower up, and I’ll meet you at your house in a little bit, okay? Everything’s gonna be fine, sweetheart. I promise.”
The moment he was off the phone with her, the phone slipped out of his hand and he fell to a knee and crouched over but didn’t collapse like he thought he might. One knee was still up and he used it to support his arm; his other fist pushed against the floor, keeping him from just falling over, and he allowed himself to cry for a few moments.
This was something he already knew he’d never survive. Felix would be strong for her sake—use every single penny he had, every connection he had to fight this—but if . . . This would be the end for him.
Felix pushed himself up onto his feet with a roar that ended with him sobbing into his hands. This was so fucking unfair!
He wouldn’t be able to take another loss like this in his life, especially not his Ella.
His baby.
His life.
Chapter 24
Ella
The first thing Ella had to do was come clean to Felix about Grayson. She didn’t want what she’d done in sheer moment of panic to come back and haunt her, not when she had so many bigger things to worry about.
Ella had met Felix outside her house because she didn’t want her dad to see her that way. She’d managed to stop the crying because she knew she was going to have to pull it together.
“Thank you so much,” she said to Carmen before getting out of her car.
Carmen reached over and squeezed her hand. “Remember if there’s anything you need just call me.”
Ella smiled and nodded. Felix was already waiting for her outside his car. She hugged him as soon as she reached him. Being in his arms felt like heaven, but she wouldn’t allow herself to cry anymore. She’d done enough of that all day.
“How you feeling?” he asked, searching her eyes, his own full of concern.
“Scared,” she admitted. “But we need to talk about something else first. Can we go for a drive? I’m not ready to face my dad yet.” She smiled nervously. “My eyes are still too puffy.”
They drove for a bit in silence, and then she just let it out. “The other night when you came over and Grayson was here”—he turned to her, his brows furrowing instantly—“my nerves about the biopsy were still really raw. He noticed something was wrong immediately and started questioning if everything was okay. My dad was there, and I was afraid he’d hear us talking. Grayson insisted I tell him what was wrong, so I took him outside and told him what I knew he’d want to hear just to shut him up. I said all this media stuff was beginning to get to me, and, of course, he was instantly all over it. But I needed him to leave because I didn’t want you upset that he’d been there long, so I told him to call me instead.”
Felix pulled over, shut the car engine off, and turned to her. “Are you upset about the media? Because—”
“No! I told you I don’t care about any of that stuff. I swear to you. I just panicked.” She reached for his hand, laced her fingers through his, and squeezed. “I didn’t want my dad picking up on me being upset.”
“So Grayson’s calling you now? You’ve been talking to him, Ella?”
“No.” She shook her head adamantly. “That same night after you left I checked my phone because I knew he’d be calling and he had. I had several missed calls from him and texts. So I called him back and explained the truth. But, Felix, I made it clear to him that my asking him to call me had been for no other reason than to get him to leave. He knows that things between him and me can be nothing more than how they’ve been up until now; although, he did beg me to keep him updated on my health.”