“Are you crying for this guy right now?” Hector straightened up so abruptly his elbow hit the horn, and he raised his voice just a notch, but Charlee caught the anger loud and clear. “Is that what I’m sitting here watching and listening to?” The anger changed suddenly, and there was suspicion now—severe suspicion. “Did you and him—”
“It was dog party, Hector. Ever heard of them? You were probably on the other end of them, not on mine: a party by his football friends where they compete to bring the worst date, and he invited me.”
He stared at her, his hardened expression looking more confused now. “What?”
“I was the dog, the schmuck, the f**king freak! And guess what? He won.” The tears were really coming now, and she hated that it still hurt this bad even after all this time. But she continued even through the tears. “He won for having the biggest, freakiest, schmuckiest date! That was why he befriended me. This was why he was so sweet and spent all that time with me on the phone. I was special all right, but not the way he made it sound. And I went out and bought a dress and did my hair and did all the things excited high-school girls do when they’re invited to a party by the boy of their dreams.” She wiped her face with both her hands, angry that she could still get so worked up over this. “For once I felt normal, like I actually belonged with the crowd my age. Drew swore she knew he liked me all along: that she’d seen it in his face, heard it in his voice when he talked to me and about me. But it was all a lie.”
Hector shook his head, his face still full of disbelief. “How the f**k did you win?”
“Because he coaxed Charlee the Freak out of her cave and got her to come to a high-school party where everyone could laugh and watch me turn beet red at the drop of dime. The worst thing was I didn’t even know. I was actually proud that I’d gone through with it, and it wasn’t until he took me home and refused to kiss me because he said he didn’t deserve to that I knew something was wrong. Drew was there before he even left.”
“How did you find out?” he asked, wiping more of her tears away.
“Drew,” she said simply. “It was all over Facebook already, and she was there to warn me. She told me not to look, that I didn’t want to. But I had to. Danny had been so sweet and so sincere the entire time I talked to him that I just couldn’t believe he’d do that to me.” She stared at the floor, a bit calmer now, but the memories she’d worked so hard to let go of all came flooding back so vividly. “They’d tagged me and him in all these congratulatory pictures of dogs in dresses and tiaras. It was mostly the guys from the party, but there were a lot from other random people in my neighborhood.”
“Did he ever apologize or explain himself?” Hector cupped her hand in his, caressing it.
She shook her head. “I shut down my Facebook page and blocked him from being able to text me or call me. He did relay a message through Drew not too long after to say he was sorry, but I cut Drew short. I didn’t even wanna hear his explanation. What more was there to say? The rules were simple: bring the most pathetic freak you can think of, and he chose me.”
Taking a deep breath and glad that the tears were over, she decided she was done with this subject. She actually preferred to go back and talk about the more uncomfortable side of her being a freak now than this. “So as you can imagine after that, there was no way I was enrolling in school for senior year. Drew didn’t even try to convince me anymore. She knew it wasn’t happening after that. And the very idea that I’d ever show my face at any parties or anywhere in that town to socialize was completely buried. Drew dropped that as well. I was afraid to run into Danny, so I hardly left the house after that. I was certain that I was doomed to be a lonely hermit forever.” She bit her lip and glanced at him quickly then looked away. “But I still had urges, strong ones now, and I really began to feel like the freak everyone made me out to be because I was doing it more often.”
She wouldn’t look at him now. How could she admit the next part?
“Charlee, babe,” he said, kissing her hand. “I know it’s embarrassing for you to admit, but not only are sexual urges normal sex in general is huge. Let me assure you, you are not the only one with urges. It’s what marketing and advertisers bank on. They use sex to sell everything because that’s how powerful it is. It goes all the way back. Why do you think all those famous sculptors who are hailed most for their tastefully artistic sculptures happen to be the ones who sculpted naked people? Artistic my ass, it’s the sex appeal that everyone is drawn to. As freaky as it may’ve made you feel or think you were, it’s perfectly normal.”
She didn’t want to argue, but he didn’t know the half of it, and she had to explain last night. The look in his eye earlier when he thought she was crying because she might not be over Danny was telling of what he still might be wondering about her behavior last night. “I bought toys, Hector. At seventeen, I ordered stuff on the internet all on my own. No one encouraged me or told me about these toys. I looked them up all by myself, bought prepaid credit cards, and I purchased sex toys—more than one.”
He seemed stunned for a moment but then regrouped looking almost relieved, not disgusted, and nodded. “And there you go. The adult toy and p**n industry—huge. And why is that? Because sex sells. And why does it sell so much? Because it feels damn good. You’re far from being alone on this, Charlee.” Suddenly his face soured. “I just found out a few months ago my mom went to some party with her girlfriends and my aunts.” He shuddered, pretending to gag with his hand at his neck. “She told us it was a sort of Tupperware party with margaritas and shit, and Abel and I found the flyer a few days later. It was an adult toy party. My mom!” He shook his head, looking absolutely disgusted. “As much as it makes my skin crawl, it’s normal for everyone to be in touch with that side of themselves.”