“I’m not,” she lied. She’d never regretted anything more in her life, but she didn’t want him thinking it was that big a deal to her. He didn’t deserve that kind of significance in her life. No man did, except Eric.
“It was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did, and I’m glad I got it out of my system.” She shrugged. “Eric’s the only guy that’s ever kissed me. I was bound to get curious sooner or later. But that was it. That’s all it was.”
He stared at her for a moment and before he could say anything, she pulled the poem out of her pocket. “I found this. I wanted to ask you.” She unfolded the paper and handed it to him. “Can you tell me what it means? I’ve never been able to figure it out.”
His eyes seemed curious at first, then he read it and laughed. “Wow, this is such garbage. I can’t believe I thought my poetry was any good back then.”
“But do you remember what you meant by it?”
“Those were my dark days, Sof.” His eyes didn’t have the same hold on her as they had when he first got back. “I remember always trying to put into words that people didn’t know the real me, only what they perceived me to be. I never had a chance to prove them otherwise, so I didn’t even bother.”
Of course. God she was so dense. Then she remembered. “You said if anyone would get it, it would be me.”
He smiled. “You remember that?”
She frowned. The last thing she wanted was for him to know just how much she remembered that and for how long. “I have a good memory.”
“Your brothers always acted like you were this fragile little naïve thing that needed to be protected, and everyone bought into it. But after talking to you that whole semester, I saw how independent and strong-willed you really were. You didn’t need them. But you never got the chance to show them,” he shrugged. “I thought you might be able to relate.”
He folded the paper back into the square she had it in and handed it back to her. “I’m a little flattered you held on to it this long.”
“I tacked on my tack board. Everything on there is ancient.”
He nodded. “I’m outta here tomorrow, you know—first thing in the morning.”
“I know. That’s why I came out here.”
“Really?” He seemed pleased. “To say goodbye?”
“Well that too, but…” She fidgeted with the paper in her hand, glancing down at it. “I wanted to tell you… I want you…> < to know that I would never do anything to hurt Eric. I love him more than anything,” A lump began to grow in her throat. The same lump she’d felt during her phone conversations with Eric all week. “I already explained to you about the kiss. My only regret is that I didn’t say what I should’ve. And it’s been bothering me ever since.”
He stared at her. “What’s that?”
“You asked me if I wanted to, and I said I couldn’t.”
His expression softened into a tiny, but undeniably smug smile.
“I don’t. I want that to be perfectly clear.”
The smile was a little bigger now. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure, damn it. I wouldn’t be out here if I wasn’t. Saying goodbye to you wasn’t nearly as important as making sure you didn’t leave tomorrow thinking that I do.”
She wouldn’t say it only because she didn’t want to sound hateful. But if it hadn’t been for her need to make sure he knew, she would’ve gladly let him leave without so much as a wave.
“You can’t tell me you didn’t feel anything, Sof.”
“What I felt was a guy trying to seduce me, Brandon. A guy who knew I was in a relationship and who was leaving in a couple of weeks.” She could feel herself getting heated, but she wasn’t sure who she was more annoyed with, Brandon or herself for even having to have this conversation. “Eric has loved me since we were kids. It’s never been like that with him. Obviously, all you wanted was casual sex, an entirely foreign concept to me. It took me by surprise.”
“That’s not all I wanted.” The smug smile was wiped away and he suddenly sounded defensive.
Sofia shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, Brandon. I just wanted to make sure you knew. I don’t want to, and I’m sorry if that’s the impression I gave you.”
“Don’t apologize, Sof. I just hope this didn’t ruin things between us.” His expression softened. “Next time I come back, can we start off fresh? Forget this ever happened?”
Sofia nodded, but didn’t dare take a step near him. Instead, she waved. “Bye, Brandon. Take care.”
He smiled and waved back. Sofia walked away feeling a little better, but the guilt still outweighed any relief she’d gained from that conversation.
***
Eric stared at his laptop. Not bad. After Sofia’s outburst about Asia, he hadn’t gone back to the café where Asia worked—not until yesterday. He felt a little bad that he’d promised Asia he would put together a professional-looking online portfolio for her acting career. She told him about the horrible one she’d done on her own, contributing the lack of work she’d gotten lately to how sorry it looked. Eric could put a portfolio together with his eyes closed. All he needed was all her info and pictures.
He hadn’t seen her since promising Sofia he wong width="48uldn’t. Deciding it wasn’t a big deal, he’d gone in one last time yesterday. He told her he probably wouldn’t be back, making up something about his schedule changing, but he could still do it for her and email it. She’d emailed him all her info last night, and already he was almost done. He was impressed with the amount of theatre work she had done so far.