The Pagan Madonna - Page 104/141

"I shouldn't have laughed."

"This damned face of mine!"

"You mustn't say that! Why not try to make over your soul to match it?"

"How is that done?"

The irony was so gentle that she fell silent for a space.

"Are you going to take Mr. Cleigh's paintings when you leave us?"

"My dear young lady, all I have left to be proud of is my word. I give it

to you that I am going after pearls. It may sound crazy, but I can't help

that. I am realizing a dream. I'm something of a fatalist--I've had to

be. I've always reasoned that if I could make the dream come true--this

dream of pearls--I'd have a chance to turn over a new leaf. I've had to

commit acts at times that were against my nature, my instincts. I've had

to be cruel and terrible, because men would not believe a pretty man could

be a strong one. Do you understand? I have been forced to cruel deeds

because men would not credit a man's heart behind a woman's face. I

possess tremendous nervous energy. That's the principal curse. I can't sit

still; I can't remain long anywhere; I must go, go, go! Like the Wandering

Jew, Ishmael."

"Do you know what Ishmael means?"

"No. What?"

"'God heareth.' Have you ever asked Him for anything?"

"No. Why should I, since He gave me this withered leg? Please don't preach

to me."

"I won't, then. But I'm terribly sorry."

"Of course you are. But--don't become too sorry. I might want to carry you

off to my atoll."

"If you took me away with you by force, I'd hate you and you'd hate

yourself. But you won't do anything like that."

"What makes you believe so?"

"I don't know why, but I do believe it."

"To be trusted by a woman, a good woman! I'll tell that to the stars. Tell

me about yourself--what you did and how you lived before you came this

side."

It was not a long story, and he nodded from time to time understandingly.

Genteel poverty, a life of scrimp and pare--the cage. Romance--a flash of

it--and she would return to the old life quite satisfied. Peace, a stormy

interlude; then peace again indefinitely. It came to him that he wanted

the respect of this young woman for always. But the malice that was ever

bubbling up to his tongue and finding speech awoke.