Lavender and Old Lace - Page 28/104

"My Hepsey is his lady love," Ruth explained.

"What? The haughty damsel who wouldn't let me in? Do tell!"

"You're imitating now," laughed Ruth, "but I shouldn't call it

flattery."

For a moment, there was a chilly silence. Ruth did not look at him, but

she bit her lip and then laughed, unwillingly. "'It's all true," she

said, "I plead guilty."

"You see, I know all about you," he went on. "You knit your brows in

deep thought, do not hear when you are spoken to, even in a loud voice,

and your mail consists almost entirely of bulky envelopes, of a legal

nature, such as came to the 'Widder' Pendleton from the insurance

people."

"Returned manuscripts," she interjected.

"Possibly--far be it from me to say they're not. Why, I've had 'em

myself."

"You don't mean it!" she exclaimed, ironically.

"You seek out, as if by instinct, the only crazy person in the village,

and come home greatly perturbed. You ask queer questions of your humble

serving-maid, assume a skirt which is shorter than the approved model,

speaking from the village standpoint, and unhesitatingly appear on

the public streets. You go to the attic at night and search the inmost

recesses of many old trunks."

"Yes," sighed Ruth, "I've done all that."

"At breakfast you refuse pie, and complain because the coffee is boiled.

Did anybody ever hear of coffee that wasn't boiled? Is it eaten raw

in the city? You call supper 'dinner,' and have been known to seek

nourishment at nine o'clock at night, when all respectable people are

sound asleep. In your trunk, you have vainly attempted to conceal a

large metal object, the use of which is unknown."

"Oh, my hapless chafing-dish!" groaned Ruth.

"Chafing-dish?" repeated Winfield, brightening visibly. "And I eating

sole leather and fried potatoes? From this hour I am your slave--you

can't lose me now!

"Go on," she commanded.

"I can't--the flow of my eloquence is stopped by rapturous anticipation.

Suffice it to say that the people of this enterprising city are well up

in the ways of the wicked world, for the storekeeper takes The New York

Weekly and the 'Widder' Pendleton subscribes for The Fireside Companion.

The back numbers, which are not worn out, are the circulating library of

the village. It's no use, Miss Thorne--you might stand on your hilltop

and proclaim your innocence until you were hoarse, and it would be

utterly without effect. Your status is definitely settled."

"How about Aunt Jane?" she inquired. "Does my relationship count for

naught?"

"Now you are rapidly approaching the centre of things," replied the

young man. "Miss Hathaway is one woman in a thousand, though somewhat

eccentric. She is the venerated pillar of the community and a constant

attendant it church, which it seems you are not. Also, if you are really

her niece, where is the family resemblance? Why has she never spoken

of you? Why have you never been here before? Why are her letters to you

sealed with red wax, bought especially for the purpose? Why does she go

away before you come? Lady Gwendolen Hetherington," he demanded, with

melodramatic fervour, "answer me these things if you can!"