During this period of torturing suspense to Valancourt, Emily was sunk
into that kind of stupor, with which sudden and irremediable misfortune
sometimes overwhelms the mind. Loving him with the tenderest affection,
and having long been accustomed to consider him as the friend and
companion of all her future days, she had no ideas of happiness, that
were not connected with him. What, then, must have been her suffering,
when thus suddenly they were to be separated, perhaps, for ever,
certainly to be thrown into distant parts of the world, where they could
scarcely hear of each other's existence; and all this in obedience to
the will of a stranger, for such as Montoni, and of a person, who had
but lately been anxious to hasten their nuptials! It was in vain, that
she endeavoured to subdue her grief, and resign herself to an event,
which she could not avoid. The silence of Valancourt afflicted more than
it surprised her, since she attributed it to its just occasion; but,
when the day, preceding that, on which she was to quit Tholouse,
arrived, and she had heard no mention of his being permitted to take
leave of her, grief overcame every consideration, that had made her
reluctant to speak of him, and she enquired of Madame Montoni, whether
this consolation had been refused. Her aunt informed her that it had,
adding, that, after the provocation she had herself received from
Valancourt, in their last interview, and the persecution, which the
Signor had suffered from his letters, no entreaties should avail to
procure it.
'If the Chevalier expected this favour from us,' said she, 'he should
have conducted himself in a very different manner; he should have waited
patiently, till he knew whether we were disposed to grant it, and not
have come and reproved me, because I did not think proper to bestow
my niece upon him,--and then have persisted in troubling the Signor,
because he did not think proper to enter into any dispute about
so childish an affair. His behaviour throughout has been extremely
presumptuous and impertinent, and I desire, that I may never hear his
name repeated, and that you will get the better of those foolish sorrows
and whims, and look like other people, and not appear with that dismal
countenance, as if you were ready to cry. For, though you say nothing,
you cannot conceal your grief from my penetration. I can see you are
ready to cry at this moment, though I am reproving you for it; aye, even
now, in spite of my commands.'
Emily, having turned away to hide her tears, quitted the room to indulge
them, and the day was passed in an intensity of anguish, such as she
had, perhaps, never known before. When she withdrew to her chamber for
the night, she remained in the chair where she had placed herself, on
entering the room, absorbed in her grief, till long after every member
of the family, except herself, was retired to rest. She could not divest
herself of a belief, that she had parted with Valancourt to meet no
more; a belief, which did not arise merely from foreseen circumstances,
for, though the length of the journey she was about to commence,
the uncertainty as to the period of her return, together with the
prohibitions she had received, seemed to justify it, she yielded also to
an impression, which she mistook for a pre-sentiment, that she was going
from Valancourt for ever. How dreadful to her imagination, too, was the
distance that would separate them--the Alps, those tremendous barriers!
would rise, and whole countries extend between the regions where each
must exist! To live in adjoining provinces, to live even in the same
country, though without seeing him, was comparative happiness to the
conviction of this dreadful length of distance.