The Girl I Was Before - Page 122/127

For once in the last five minutes she seems speechless, her sadness starting to look a little bit more like hope. This…is my opening.

“I’m just going to put it out there, Paige,” I say, holding my hand up, not even letting her say another word. “I’ve learned that life twists and turns on you, that unexpected shit falls in your lap, and sometimes it’s a blessing and other times it’s your worst nightmare. Through all of that, I’ve learned that wasting time missing out on the things that really matter is just that—a waste of time.”

I take a deep breath before this next part, because last time, it didn’t go so well. “I love you, Paige,” I say, waiting for a blip, gauging her reaction, bracing myself. Her smile is still in place, cautious as it might feel—so I continue. “I’m not expecting you to move back in, or marry me, or become some super stepmom. I just want you to love me back, however you can, and let me hold your hand and talk to you at night. All I want is to kiss you and untangle your purse when that strappy thing gets stuck in your hair.”

Her lips twist into a bigger smile, and she giggles when I tug on the purse strap that first got tangled in the trash can the night she tutored me. I love that purse strap, and I owe it a fucking hell of a lot.

“I want to be the guy that you tell your secrets to—who’ll give it to you honest, and who won’t care if you give it right back,” I say, noticing that Rowe is hearing most of this a few rows away. I don’t care, because now Rowe is right up there with the purse strap for things I need to thank for bringing me Paige.

“Just…do me a favor, Paige,” I say her name and pull her hand into mine, the touch of it so amazing, her fingers shaking, but so damn soft. I breathe out once just from the feel of her. “Just…think about it, because I know what being all of that with me means. I know being some other guy’s girlfriend doesn’t come with that extra little caveat of all the other hats I have to wear—including the father one. But thing is, with anyone else, you’d just be their girlfriend, and with me…you’re kind of my world.”

I stand, letting her fingers fall away from mine slowly, and I tell her I love her one more time before letting her go. I walk away, and I’m taken back to my life more than five years ago, when I was just some cocky football jock who refused to let the pretty girl say no. I never thought anyone else would be worth all of that rejection, over and over, but this one…she’s worth walking through fire.

And I know she might make me.

Chapter 20

Paige

It didn’t take Rowe long to move back to the seat next to me. As soon as Houston turned the corner through the stadium gate, she was at my side. The look on my face must have been enough, because all she said was “Go.”

I left the game without even saying goodbye to my sister. She’d understand. Fuck, they probably all heard his speech. And I told Rowe she could tell them anything she wanted. If I put this thing with Houston and me out there, then that makes it real—and it’s so real. I’m ready for it to be real.

But before I tell him any of that, I need to make a few things right.

I rush back to our dorm and gather every last bucket of paint left in the closet from the time we painted the rooms pink. There’s still a can of white from when they all had to repaint, so I take that too. I grab anything I can get my hands on, and I let myself into the boys’ room to take all of their things too.

I have to stuff things into a blanket and throw it over my shoulder just to get it downstairs. I’ll never be able to walk it all the way to Houston’s house. I ask a girl with a piercing through her nose and eyebrow smoking out front if she has a car. She looks at me like I’m about to break out in a flash mob, checking over her shoulder for the rest of the joke. When she realizes I’m not kidding, she shrugs, stomps out the butt of her cigarette, and tells me “Sure.”

We don’t talk, other than me telling her “Thank you,” when I get into the passenger side, and her telling me to pay her ten bucks for the gas it takes to drive point two miles. Rather than arguing, I decide it’s a bargain, and flip a ten on the center console when I get out of the car.

Hitching a ride was easy compared to this next part. I drag my blanket full of supplies up Houston’s driveway, bundling it all in my arms before I lean in to ring the doorbell. This move…it’s strategic. I feel like a physical barrier between Joyce and me might somehow make me braver.

When she opens the door, I feel a little doubt, but I stand tall and breathe deeply, smiling anyhow. “Hi,” I say, pushing to the back the tears I know she’s cried since the last time I was here. There is no forgetting the warning she gave me though. That’s why I’m here really, to prove my worth. When she lets me in, and even helps to tug my load of junk through the door, I feel like I might have led with the right foot forward.